I know that
two hundred and seventy-nine people are going to die tomorrow. I know where it
will happen but not the location. I know the names of every person who will die
but I do not know them. For the last month I have seen their faces in my
dreams. I have heard their screams. The first time I had the dream the only
thing I recalled on waking was the disaster. I watched the plane as it dropped
lower and lower in the sky. The sky was a beautiful cerulean blue. There were a
few fluffy white clouds that resembled puffs of pillow stuffing. The plane dropped,
faster and faster. I opened my mouth to scream but no sound came from my
throat. I jumped awake seconds before the plane would have hit the earth,
leaving a long gouge in the green grass, exposing the rich red earth beneath.
My body was covered in a thin film of cooling sweat.
two hundred and seventy-nine people are going to die tomorrow. I know where it
will happen but not the location. I know the names of every person who will die
but I do not know them. For the last month I have seen their faces in my
dreams. I have heard their screams. The first time I had the dream the only
thing I recalled on waking was the disaster. I watched the plane as it dropped
lower and lower in the sky. The sky was a beautiful cerulean blue. There were a
few fluffy white clouds that resembled puffs of pillow stuffing. The plane dropped,
faster and faster. I opened my mouth to scream but no sound came from my
throat. I jumped awake seconds before the plane would have hit the earth,
leaving a long gouge in the green grass, exposing the rich red earth beneath.
My body was covered in a thin film of cooling sweat.
People dream
about plane crashes. I’ve had friends tell me about dreams like that. They
dream and when they are awake the next day they go about their business, the
dream forgotten. They have pushed the dream to the back of their minds and
unless something out of the ordinary happens they will likely forget it
completely in a day or two. I pushed my dream to the back of my mind. I pushed
it as hard as I could. But when I sat in front of my computer at work, poring
over meaningless information, I could still see the plane dropping from the
sky.
about plane crashes. I’ve had friends tell me about dreams like that. They
dream and when they are awake the next day they go about their business, the
dream forgotten. They have pushed the dream to the back of their minds and
unless something out of the ordinary happens they will likely forget it
completely in a day or two. I pushed my dream to the back of my mind. I pushed
it as hard as I could. But when I sat in front of my computer at work, poring
over meaningless information, I could still see the plane dropping from the
sky.
Five nights
later I had the dream again. I had the dream again but it was not exactly the
same. The sky and clouds were the same. The plane was dropping slowly, like a
paper airplane that had lost its hold of the drafts that would keep it
airborne. Now I was inside the plane. I looked out the window to my left. I saw
the crazy tilted angle of the wing. I looked to my right. There was a middle
aged man beside me who I did not recognize. His eyes were wide and his hands
clenched the back of the seat in front of him. Next to him was a middle aged
woman. Her mouth was moving but I could not hear any sound. I thought she might
be praying. Looking out the window once again I realized the green earth was
rushing up to meet us. I wanted to close my eyes but some compulsion made me
continue to watch as death opened her arms to welcome me, to welcome all of us.
There was a jolt and I sat up in bed, breathless, heart pounding, and a silent
scream in my throat.
later I had the dream again. I had the dream again but it was not exactly the
same. The sky and clouds were the same. The plane was dropping slowly, like a
paper airplane that had lost its hold of the drafts that would keep it
airborne. Now I was inside the plane. I looked out the window to my left. I saw
the crazy tilted angle of the wing. I looked to my right. There was a middle
aged man beside me who I did not recognize. His eyes were wide and his hands
clenched the back of the seat in front of him. Next to him was a middle aged
woman. Her mouth was moving but I could not hear any sound. I thought she might
be praying. Looking out the window once again I realized the green earth was
rushing up to meet us. I wanted to close my eyes but some compulsion made me
continue to watch as death opened her arms to welcome me, to welcome all of us.
There was a jolt and I sat up in bed, breathless, heart pounding, and a silent
scream in my throat.
The next day
I could hardly function as the dream filled my mind. It played over and over
behind my eyes. I accomplished nothing at work. I spent the day staring at the
computer monitor. I placed my fingers on the keyboard but they never moved.
Co-workers asked if I was sick, told me I looked pale, suggested I go home
early. I did not want to go home. If I went home I might sleep and if I slept I
might dream the dream again.
I could hardly function as the dream filled my mind. It played over and over
behind my eyes. I accomplished nothing at work. I spent the day staring at the
computer monitor. I placed my fingers on the keyboard but they never moved.
Co-workers asked if I was sick, told me I looked pale, suggested I go home
early. I did not want to go home. If I went home I might sleep and if I slept I
might dream the dream again.
After a
couple of days it began to fade. It never left my mind entirely but it faded
like an old color photo that’s hung on the wall for years, the sunlight
striking it until all the color and life had been leached out of it. I began to
feel safe. I began to sleep through the night again.
couple of days it began to fade. It never left my mind entirely but it faded
like an old color photo that’s hung on the wall for years, the sunlight
striking it until all the color and life had been leached out of it. I began to
feel safe. I began to sleep through the night again.
I should
have known better. Hope is a funny thing. Hope combined with fear is even
funnier. It lulls you into a false sense of safety because anything else is too
horrifying to accept. I was lulled into that lie, that make believe peaceful
place, where dreams are only dreams.
have known better. Hope is a funny thing. Hope combined with fear is even
funnier. It lulls you into a false sense of safety because anything else is too
horrifying to accept. I was lulled into that lie, that make believe peaceful
place, where dreams are only dreams.
It was seven
days after the second dream when the third dream came. It came with a newfound
vividness. It came complete with sights, sounds, and smells. The man beside me
smelled of whiskey and sweat. Beads of that sweat stood out on his upper lip
like shiny transparent globes. His voice was a low deep throated moan that
escaped his lips and lingered in the air like a mournful song. The woman was
not praying. She was repeating a name, over and over like an old vinyl record
that skipped on a scratch, unable to proceed unless someone gave it a tap. The
tap came. Te tap came as the plane impacted the earth. I felt the vibrating
seat, watched the grass and dirt fly up outside the window. I smelled fuel and
flames. Mercifully I woke. I did not jolt awake. I did not suddenly find myself
sitting up in my bed. I simply opened my eyes. It was still night. The only
light was the reflection of the streetlight outside my window throwing bars
across the ceiling as it forced its way between the slats of my blinds. I did
not go to work the next day.
days after the second dream when the third dream came. It came with a newfound
vividness. It came complete with sights, sounds, and smells. The man beside me
smelled of whiskey and sweat. Beads of that sweat stood out on his upper lip
like shiny transparent globes. His voice was a low deep throated moan that
escaped his lips and lingered in the air like a mournful song. The woman was
not praying. She was repeating a name, over and over like an old vinyl record
that skipped on a scratch, unable to proceed unless someone gave it a tap. The
tap came. Te tap came as the plane impacted the earth. I felt the vibrating
seat, watched the grass and dirt fly up outside the window. I smelled fuel and
flames. Mercifully I woke. I did not jolt awake. I did not suddenly find myself
sitting up in my bed. I simply opened my eyes. It was still night. The only
light was the reflection of the streetlight outside my window throwing bars
across the ceiling as it forced its way between the slats of my blinds. I did
not go to work the next day.
I did not go
to work for the next three days. I could not bear to hear the comments on my
appearance, the very polite suggestions that I should see a doctor. I could not
stare at the computer monitor, terrified I would see that man’s face staring
back at me, pleading for me to help him.
to work for the next three days. I could not bear to hear the comments on my
appearance, the very polite suggestions that I should see a doctor. I could not
stare at the computer monitor, terrified I would see that man’s face staring
back at me, pleading for me to help him.
Then I had a
week without the dream. Just when I thought I was safe, just when I believed I
could sleep at night and wake the next morning, shower, dress, grab a latte and
head to the office, just then the dream came again.
week without the dream. Just when I thought I was safe, just when I believed I
could sleep at night and wake the next morning, shower, dress, grab a latte and
head to the office, just then the dream came again.
I was not in
a seat in the cabin. I was in the cockpit. My hands were locked around the
plane’s wheel. I was watching the white fluffy clouds float by in that
beautiful cerulean sky. When I looked straight ahead I saw that bright green
grass; grass that looked as though it had been painted a blade at a time by a
magical brush. The earth was rushing at me. I was not afraid. I was not
unafraid. I was nothing. It was inevitable and I accepted it. When I met the
ground this time it was not a gentle jolt, it was a punch that drove my entire
body sharply back in the seat. I watched the blades of grass separate and fly
into the air and the rich red earth part like a woman giving birth. Only we
were not being born, we were dying. We were being surrounded by earth and grass
and the yellow orange of flames. I did not wake up. The dream faded and I slept
on.
a seat in the cabin. I was in the cockpit. My hands were locked around the
plane’s wheel. I was watching the white fluffy clouds float by in that
beautiful cerulean sky. When I looked straight ahead I saw that bright green
grass; grass that looked as though it had been painted a blade at a time by a
magical brush. The earth was rushing at me. I was not afraid. I was not
unafraid. I was nothing. It was inevitable and I accepted it. When I met the
ground this time it was not a gentle jolt, it was a punch that drove my entire
body sharply back in the seat. I watched the blades of grass separate and fly
into the air and the rich red earth part like a woman giving birth. Only we
were not being born, we were dying. We were being surrounded by earth and grass
and the yellow orange of flames. I did not wake up. The dream faded and I slept
on.
The next
morning I woke and went to work. I waited. I waited that day, I waited the next
day. I waited a week. I walked in a dream. I worked in a dream. Everyone said I
looked much better. I told them I felt better. They said it must have been a
bug, an allergy, the change of seasons. I agreed. I agreed with every one of
them.
morning I woke and went to work. I waited. I waited that day, I waited the next
day. I waited a week. I walked in a dream. I worked in a dream. Everyone said I
looked much better. I told them I felt better. They said it must have been a
bug, an allergy, the change of seasons. I agreed. I agreed with every one of
them.
On the way
to work I passed a store with televisions in the window. A crowd of people stood
and stared at the screens, every one turned to the same program. I saw the
flames. I saw the blue sky and the green grass, and the angry red gash in the
earth. Two hundred and seventy nine people died. I watched for a few minutes.
The crowd around me murmured horror, fear, and mourning. I went to work.
to work I passed a store with televisions in the window. A crowd of people stood
and stared at the screens, every one turned to the same program. I saw the
flames. I saw the blue sky and the green grass, and the angry red gash in the
earth. Two hundred and seventy nine people died. I watched for a few minutes.
The crowd around me murmured horror, fear, and mourning. I went to work.
That was
three months ago. Last night I dreamed I was standing beside train tracks. I
could see the bright headlight of a train speeding toward me. I did not hear
it. I watched it approach, the light cutting through the black night like a
sword splitting dark velvet. Gray fog like mist drifted along the tracks,
clinging to the ground like hungry fingers. I watched the train speed past and
then it leaped from the tracks as though it could fly like the plane. It left
the tracks and began its journey across the grass and the earth, cutting through
it and leaving a swath of red like an open wound. The cars tumbled one on top
of the other, crumpling like aluminum foil that will be discarded when it is no
longer of any use. The lights behind the windows flickered and some went out.
three months ago. Last night I dreamed I was standing beside train tracks. I
could see the bright headlight of a train speeding toward me. I did not hear
it. I watched it approach, the light cutting through the black night like a
sword splitting dark velvet. Gray fog like mist drifted along the tracks,
clinging to the ground like hungry fingers. I watched the train speed past and
then it leaped from the tracks as though it could fly like the plane. It left
the tracks and began its journey across the grass and the earth, cutting through
it and leaving a swath of red like an open wound. The cars tumbled one on top
of the other, crumpling like aluminum foil that will be discarded when it is no
longer of any use. The lights behind the windows flickered and some went out.
I woke. I
was not screaming. My heart was not racing. One hundred and eighty eight people
were going to die. Sometime in about a month they would board a train
journeying to homes, on vacations, to jobs, until they would be embraced by the
flames. I knew their names. I knew the names of everyone of them.
was not screaming. My heart was not racing. One hundred and eighty eight people
were going to die. Sometime in about a month they would board a train
journeying to homes, on vacations, to jobs, until they would be embraced by the
flames. I knew their names. I knew the names of everyone of them.
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