Motivations

I have no particular taste for post-mortem immortality. I am immortal now, while I am gloriously alive.- Rabbi Joel Blau, "My Uncertain God," 1924
I have been thinking a lot about "good deeds" and why people do them. What motivates a person to pull over and assist a stranded driver? Why do we hand a stranger a dollar to get something to eat? What is our conscious motivation for random acts of kindness? I imagine some people think about an eternal reward. I imagine some think of the need and feel sympathy. Some perhaps think, there but for the grace of G_d go I. Is it instinct, do you act before you even think? Does it relate back to some incident in your past where you received help, or maybe didn't receive help? Do you think, G_d will surely reward me for this? Or maybe, if I don't do this I am never going to see the other side of the gates of heaven?
I'm curious. Is about you? Is about "them"? Is it about G_d? Is it about doing the right thing?

Losing Myself

I woke up this morning and prayed very hard. I am afraid I am becoming jaded and losing my compassion. It isn't just my job, even my personal life seems to be affected. I have caught myself not just thinking unkind things, but saying them.
It seems as I get older I regress to that opinonated, pretentious kid I was in my teens. Is this another symptom of old age? I have to laugh at the old adage -not getting older but growing wiser. I am afraid in my case it may not be so.I feel as though I have taken a giant step back and I don't like the me I am seeing. So I have decided to begin to examine myself more carefully, think VERY hard before I speak, see both sides of a situation, and pray a whole lot!
Of courde now I have also developed "the guilts".Have I hurt or offended anyone? God that is an awful thought! I've been tougher on my customers. Maybe it is necessary but I worry I will seem unfeeling when I really do feel for most of them. Ahhh the dilemmas of life... Of course all this tough love makes me look at my kids and wonder if maybe love wasn't tough enough or too tough? I could go crazier trying to figure this out.

How Interesting... How Wonderful

It's amazing how I can be in the midst of an awful week and something so wonderful and impressive can happen that I am stopped short.
In a week where madness seemed to reign supreme, a glimmer of sunlight came from an unexpected source.
I had criticized someone (namelessly) in an earlier post and after the situation was forgotten (at least by me) went on about my business. This afternoon I got a telephone call from that person concerned about what I had been feeling when I posted and wondering what had happened to upset me so much! The very fact that someone who really has nothing obvious to gain would take the time to respond personally to my comments impressed me tremendously. I forget sometimes that we are all human (including myself). We all have our good days and bad and sometimes two people who share similar views and have simultaneous bad days can react badly.
I know this is confusing but right now I am so pleased and impressed I am really finding it difficult to think. It is just good to know that there are people who still feel responsible for their action. In all fairness, taking responsibility for mine, I over reacted to a situation that was none of my business. But maybe some good came out of it in the end. I only hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings.
We may all forget that what we post on the Internet is in fact public domain. And I would be wise to think before I act.