"Intelligent design" is "a religious alternative masquerading as a scientific theory" and cannot be mentioned in biology classes in a Pennsylvania public school district, a federal judge said Tuesday, ruling in one of the biggest courtroom clashes on evolution since the 1925 Scopes trial.
The case is among at least a handful that have focused new attention on the teaching of evolution in the nation’s schools.
Earlier this month, a federal appeals court in Georgia heard arguments over whether evolution disclaimer stickers placed in a school system’s biology textbooks were unconstitutional. A federal judge in January ordered Cobb County school officials to immediately remove the stickers, which called evolution a theory, not a fact.
In November, state education officials in Kansas adopted new classroom science standards that call the theory of evolution into question.
© 2005 The Associated Press.
What do YOU think? Why?
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
OH MY GOD!!
I just looked at my desk calendar and realized in less than 3 weeks I will be leaving for England and Scotland! Last night our travel wallets and stuff came from the tour company. Josh was so excited he ran upstairs to show his friends. It makes me a little breathless to think that we are so close to going. He's excited. I am excited. I think even Neil is excited, although for him it may just be seeing us all worked up.
I have already schedueled our Jack the Ripper walk. And on New Years Eve we are going to a giant street party to celebrate Hogmanay which is Scots New Years.
I am so excited!
I have already schedueled our Jack the Ripper walk. And on New Years Eve we are going to a giant street party to celebrate Hogmanay which is Scots New Years.
I am so excited!
Thoughts
My car was covered in frost this morning. The bright red paint dusted with a crystal coating making it look like a chariot instead of an old 95 Corsica. The grass beneath my feet crackled indignantly as I made my way across the lawn, past the silent lighted deer that foretell the coming of Christmas. With each breath my lungs were filled with crisp frosty air that made them stop for a moment, shocked by the sudden onslaught of iciness. The morning was incredibly still, very little traffic moved down my normally busy street. I imagined my neighbors still tucked in their warm beds, heads hidden beneath pillows. Dawn was just touching the sky, a dull pink hue that ran into purples and grays.
The earth is sleeping. Like my neighbors, it is tucked safely beneath layers of fallen leaves and crunchy soil, its head hidden beneath a mantle of frost. Sleep well. You need a break. It's been a rough year. Hurricanes, tidal waves, earthquakes... And I thought I had it tough!
The earth is sleeping. Like my neighbors, it is tucked safely beneath layers of fallen leaves and crunchy soil, its head hidden beneath a mantle of frost. Sleep well. You need a break. It's been a rough year. Hurricanes, tidal waves, earthquakes... And I thought I had it tough!
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Something's Coming Up
With my vacation fast approaching, excitement building, I wanted to take a few minutes to reflect. This will not only be my first trip abroad but also my son's. My husband has been to England before (among other places). It's been a long time since we've shared the wonder of new experiences. He is 18 now and most of his new experiences involve his friends. It will be interesting to see how we relate with 10 days of one another's company. (Thank heavens my husband will be there to run interference if needed!)
Last weekend my older son turned 29. Twenty-nine! I look at him and still see the little boy. Of course he looks pretty much the same. He has grown into a fine young man (that sounds so pompous, but it's true).
I am amazed and grateful for all the good things G-d has brought into my life. I honestly do feel G-d's hand on me.
Several years ago I was going nowhere. I was struggling to make ends meet, suffering with illness, depressed by my inability to find peace. Then one day I simply turned my life over to G-d. I mean I really just said, tell me where I need to go and what I need to do. Since that day my life has been filled with blessings beyond belief. I'm not just talking about material things, but the peace of knowing I am doing something worthwhile, the health of my loved ones, the richness of life itself.
G-d is amazing!
Last weekend my older son turned 29. Twenty-nine! I look at him and still see the little boy. Of course he looks pretty much the same. He has grown into a fine young man (that sounds so pompous, but it's true).
I am amazed and grateful for all the good things G-d has brought into my life. I honestly do feel G-d's hand on me.
Several years ago I was going nowhere. I was struggling to make ends meet, suffering with illness, depressed by my inability to find peace. Then one day I simply turned my life over to G-d. I mean I really just said, tell me where I need to go and what I need to do. Since that day my life has been filled with blessings beyond belief. I'm not just talking about material things, but the peace of knowing I am doing something worthwhile, the health of my loved ones, the richness of life itself.
G-d is amazing!
Saturday, November 19, 2005
My Grandfather's Hands
I remember my grandfather’s hands. Even now I can see them, large and rough hewn. Scars and calluses from years of hard labor. I remember how small my hand felt in his when we would walk in the meadow. He particularly liked the early evening when the shadows began to lengthen and the stars began to wink hello to evening. We would stop at the rise of the hill just as the sun dipped below the horizon and he would sigh. His beard, gray for as long as I knew him, would lift slightly in the breeze. “Listen,” he would speak softly. “God is saying good night to all His children.”
My grandfather’s hands were the hands of a carpenter, a man who toiled daily to create something out of a piece of wood. It always amazed me to see those huge fingers move nimbly. My grandfather’s hands made me feel safe.
At night we would sit and he would tell me stories of long ago, faraway places. I touched the deep scars on his palms and asked him how they got there. He would shake his head and say it was a long time ago in another life. Sometimes he would tell me they came because people didn’t understand. I didn’t understand THAT.
I remember my grandfather’s hands and I should have realized then what I know now. The secret was there all the time.
My grandfather’s hands were the hands of a carpenter, a man who toiled daily to create something out of a piece of wood. It always amazed me to see those huge fingers move nimbly. My grandfather’s hands made me feel safe.
At night we would sit and he would tell me stories of long ago, faraway places. I touched the deep scars on his palms and asked him how they got there. He would shake his head and say it was a long time ago in another life. Sometimes he would tell me they came because people didn’t understand. I didn’t understand THAT.
I remember my grandfather’s hands and I should have realized then what I know now. The secret was there all the time.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Joy, Joy, Happy, Happy
I made the final arrangements for our trip to England and Scotland today. Josh's passport is in the mail according to the website, the last payment has been made, and I booked our Jack the Ripper tour. I am floating on air.
This promises to be a great experience for the three of us. An adventure to be remembered. eeek.
Okay, maybe I am overreacting. That's pretty common for me.
I have been thinking about my life and how I have gotten to this point. I realize I wouldn't change one minute of my life, the good choices and the bad, the happy days and the sad, the ups or downs. Every moment and every breath has brought me where I am and I like this place. I thank G-d every day for the miracles given to me, the blessings bestowed and I only hope I have given something back.
100 Years
I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose15…there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live…
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15… I'm all right with you
15… there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live…
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye 67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15… there's still time for you
22… I feel her too
33… you’re on your way
Every Day's a new Day
15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15… there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
This promises to be a great experience for the three of us. An adventure to be remembered. eeek.
Okay, maybe I am overreacting. That's pretty common for me.
I have been thinking about my life and how I have gotten to this point. I realize I wouldn't change one minute of my life, the good choices and the bad, the happy days and the sad, the ups or downs. Every moment and every breath has brought me where I am and I like this place. I thank G-d every day for the miracles given to me, the blessings bestowed and I only hope I have given something back.
100 Years
I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose15…there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live…
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15… I'm all right with you
15… there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live…
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye 67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15… there's still time for you
22… I feel her too
33… you’re on your way
Every Day's a new Day
15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15… there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Friday, November 04, 2005
It's A Winner
Last weekend I took my husband to Hot Springs, NC to celebrate his 47th birthday. We stayed at a romantic cabin on a farm, enjoyed the bubbling mineral springs and I took lots of pictures. On impulse I submitted this photo to a contest/publication. Just learned it will be published in Photography Vibes a publication of the Circle of Photography. Whee! This is the second time I have had one of my photos recognized. Several years ago I won Honorable Mention in a local contest. What a neat way to remember a very special and very romantic weekend!
Thursday, November 03, 2005
And the Snow Fell...
It was cold. The snow fell for days and coated the world with frozen silence. We played in the snow and flakes clung to your beard, tantalizing, tempting drops inviting a kiss.
The glare of the noonday sun on the snow blinded me to your faults. In the still evenings we would snuggle on the couch under piles of blankets, nursing cups of steaming cocoa and you told me of dreams that remain fantasies.
I believed I loved you. Maybe I did. I hoped you loved me. Maybe you did.
Our breath would make white balloons in the crisp winter air and carry our words away to the gods. Did they laugh at our youth? Did they know our destiny?
We cooked out in the yard, snow crunching beneath our shoes as the grill crackled and the flames danced. I poured a libation of grape juice to gods we didn't believe in and we laughed at our poverty.
Winter is coming again, her arms open in a welcoming embrace of forgetfulness. Where are you now? Do you still like chocolate and sweet hot tea? I can smell the cigar smoke and remember the smoke curling around your head like a misty crown. What kingdom do you rule now and is your touch still gentle?
The glare of the noonday sun on the snow blinded me to your faults. In the still evenings we would snuggle on the couch under piles of blankets, nursing cups of steaming cocoa and you told me of dreams that remain fantasies.
I believed I loved you. Maybe I did. I hoped you loved me. Maybe you did.
Our breath would make white balloons in the crisp winter air and carry our words away to the gods. Did they laugh at our youth? Did they know our destiny?
We cooked out in the yard, snow crunching beneath our shoes as the grill crackled and the flames danced. I poured a libation of grape juice to gods we didn't believe in and we laughed at our poverty.
Winter is coming again, her arms open in a welcoming embrace of forgetfulness. Where are you now? Do you still like chocolate and sweet hot tea? I can smell the cigar smoke and remember the smoke curling around your head like a misty crown. What kingdom do you rule now and is your touch still gentle?
Friday, October 21, 2005
An Interesting Experience
I had an interesting experience recently and I have been mulling it over, trying to put it in perspective. My husband is a musician and he and a "buddy" have formed a duo. They are working up toward playing some gigs locally and were asked to perform at a Fall Festival at a local church. (Pay was a pumpkin but that isn't the point.) Readers of my blog have by now learned I was raised Roman Catholic, dabbled very lightly in Buddhism, was a practicing Episcopalian, and as my former pastor and friend says, returned to my Jewish roots. I have met some incredible people of all faiths and I have met some fools. Anyway, I digress.
The lady in charge of the event and her husband are active members of their church. The husband has a disability (visually impaired but not blind). I mention this because it does have some bearing on the tale. When we first arrived and the guys were setting up I could see this was not going to be a super successful event. The "husband" came up to me and said, "I am recruiting all the ladies with big boobs to go to the road and flash cars so we can get more people in." Mind you this is only the second time I've been around the man. We are not old friends. I sort of brushed off as a tasteless comment. But it made me uncomfortable enough that I mentioned it to my husband in the man's presence so there should be no misunderstanding. (My husband is very mellow and apparently proud of my endowments. I think he exaggerates) This guy also had a fifth of whiskey which he shared with a couple of people. My problem? This event was geared toward families and there were children around. Seems to me that a church event, sponsored by the church youth ought to be handled with a bit more discretion.
Which brings me to the nagging thought on my mind. I have encountered some people recently who claim to be "Christians" but whose behavior is not in line with what I was taught Christ preached. Now it may seem bold of me to say that, having converted and all, but I don't reject Jesus teachings, just his divinity. (That's an entirely different matter so let's not go there.) Granted this man did share his booze. But what about people who constantly find fault with others, whose envy makes them vengeful? What about the professed Christians who cheat (just a little), lie (only little white ones), and sit in judgment on their fellows?
I am having a hard time with Bible thumpers who can quote Scripture and bend it to fit their actions. How can we judge another person's worthiness in G-d's eyes??? We can judge their behaviors but we can't know what G-d thinks. Yes, we have Commandments to follow (a lot more than 10) but paramount are worshipping the one true G-d and loving our neighbors.
Sorry guys. I had to vent. Comment if you like. I am not in an argumentative mood. Just very sad.
The lady in charge of the event and her husband are active members of their church. The husband has a disability (visually impaired but not blind). I mention this because it does have some bearing on the tale. When we first arrived and the guys were setting up I could see this was not going to be a super successful event. The "husband" came up to me and said, "I am recruiting all the ladies with big boobs to go to the road and flash cars so we can get more people in." Mind you this is only the second time I've been around the man. We are not old friends. I sort of brushed off as a tasteless comment. But it made me uncomfortable enough that I mentioned it to my husband in the man's presence so there should be no misunderstanding. (My husband is very mellow and apparently proud of my endowments. I think he exaggerates) This guy also had a fifth of whiskey which he shared with a couple of people. My problem? This event was geared toward families and there were children around. Seems to me that a church event, sponsored by the church youth ought to be handled with a bit more discretion.
Which brings me to the nagging thought on my mind. I have encountered some people recently who claim to be "Christians" but whose behavior is not in line with what I was taught Christ preached. Now it may seem bold of me to say that, having converted and all, but I don't reject Jesus teachings, just his divinity. (That's an entirely different matter so let's not go there.) Granted this man did share his booze. But what about people who constantly find fault with others, whose envy makes them vengeful? What about the professed Christians who cheat (just a little), lie (only little white ones), and sit in judgment on their fellows?
I am having a hard time with Bible thumpers who can quote Scripture and bend it to fit their actions. How can we judge another person's worthiness in G-d's eyes??? We can judge their behaviors but we can't know what G-d thinks. Yes, we have Commandments to follow (a lot more than 10) but paramount are worshipping the one true G-d and loving our neighbors.
Sorry guys. I had to vent. Comment if you like. I am not in an argumentative mood. Just very sad.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Revenant
"I saw you today in the crowds that poured forth from tall concrete buildings, their thoughts on seeing and being seen at local watering holes. I saw you today and your face was half turned from me, the autumn sun falling across your profile,casting shadows on cheekbones I remember so well. I saw you today, hair lifting lightly in the breeze, hand slightly raised to brush it back into place. I saw you today, uncertain smile on your full lips, glistening and parted. I could taste those lips, smell that sweet breath that blew warm and moist across my own. I saw you today. Risen from the grave of my memory and walking through downtown crowds, confidently shy. How is it possible that I saw you today when you are hundreds of miles away in body and galaxies away in spirit?"
Here Without You
(Music by Arnold, Roberts & Harrell)
A hundred days have made me older
Here Without You
(Music by Arnold, Roberts & Harrell)
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
All the miles that separate
All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, there's only you and me.
The miles just keep rollin'
The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go.
I'm here without you baby
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me.
Everything I know, and anywhere I go
Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
I'm here without you baby
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me
Friday, October 07, 2005
When I'm Gone
(Music by Arnold, Roberts & Harrell)
There's another world inside of me that you may never see.
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide.
Somewhere in this darkness there's a life that I can't find.
Maybe it's too far away or maybe I'm just blind, maybe I'm just blind.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything if only for your good.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
You can hold me when I'm scared but you won't always be there,
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone
When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin.
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends.
Now roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone.
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.
Everything I am and everything in me.
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be,
I'll never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything if only for your good.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there,
So love me when I'm gone.
(Maybe I'm just blind)
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.
Everything I am and everything in me,Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything if only for your good.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there.
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone.
"Behold, the young woman is with child and will bear a son and she will call his name Emmanuel."
There's another world inside of me that you may never see.
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide.
Somewhere in this darkness there's a life that I can't find.
Maybe it's too far away or maybe I'm just blind, maybe I'm just blind.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything if only for your good.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
You can hold me when I'm scared but you won't always be there,
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone
When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin.
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends.
Now roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone.
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.
Everything I am and everything in me.
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be,
I'll never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything if only for your good.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there,
So love me when I'm gone.
(Maybe I'm just blind)
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.
Everything I am and everything in me,Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything if only for your good.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there.
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone.
"Behold, the young woman is with child and will bear a son and she will call his name Emmanuel."
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Like A Fine Wine
"His hair blew back from the high forehead, the brow furrowed as the grit of the city stung his eyes. There were no answers there, only more questions. She was a mystery, a lady in gray who moved in and out of his life with the subtlety of a song. The half-remembered lyrics of her hymn hanging in his mind and tugging at the corners, eager to draw him back in.
She was a Madonna in high heels and silk skin, an angel who tempted him, the curve of her smiling lips a promise of things to come. But the small sips of fine wine led only to a drunkenness that left him staggering blindly, always reaching to touch the strands of her hair, only to have it all slip away on the mist."
And you thought I couldn't see your side.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Why?
I wonder why it is so necessary for some people to have the world agree with them. Are they so insecure in their own beliefs that it is only through persuading others that they feel validated? This seems particularly true of people with imagined authority. Perhaps they realize their authority is tenuous and struggle to convince themselves that they are somehow "in charge". There's something strangely sad about watching someone who thinks they are "the boss" work to maintain eye contact, speak loudly to impart control, and hunt for the right words to say to get attention. So sad.
Who cares what you say if your words are nothing more than self-aggrandizing dialogues with yourself? A meager attempt to prove you have control of the situation. The kinder part of me lets them go on, because it really doesn't matter if they believe they have control. It costs me nothing as long as their actions do no harm to myself or others. Carry on. But the naughty side of me toys with the notion of pushing the flimsy pedestal over and watching them cartwheel as they fall flat on their faces. Still there is no gain there. I need to just behave in what I believe is the "right" way and hope they find their "right" way.
Who cares what you say if your words are nothing more than self-aggrandizing dialogues with yourself? A meager attempt to prove you have control of the situation. The kinder part of me lets them go on, because it really doesn't matter if they believe they have control. It costs me nothing as long as their actions do no harm to myself or others. Carry on. But the naughty side of me toys with the notion of pushing the flimsy pedestal over and watching them cartwheel as they fall flat on their faces. Still there is no gain there. I need to just behave in what I believe is the "right" way and hope they find their "right" way.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Insignificance
"The air was crisp with the hint of autumn dancing at the edges of the night. There was the promise of golden red leaves and ripe apples in the breeze that lifted his hair and blew it back from his forehead. His hand grasped my elbow, his voice a deep timber that flowed with the mood of the evening, seductive and non-threatening. But beneath the surface was the whisper of something slightly dangerous, like the slow ascent of a roller coaster before it reaches its zenith. He captured that split second when you look down into the abyss and your breath holds for a moment before escaping in a long thrill filled scream. Orgasmic and death like. La petit morte the French call it. I read that in a dreadful sixties romance novel my mother kept hidden on a shelf in the closet.
I remember only snippets of our conversation, scenes set in tableau that seemed to hang forever in my memory like old sepia toned photographs in a yard sale photo album. I was detached and involved simultaneously. Drawn to the flame of his strangeness; unfamiliar territory I really did not want to investigate but knew I would. Like an explorer on a journey to a land I both feared and was tempted by.
The evening dragged as it sped by. I remember leaving the play early though I did not want to. I remember the long walk I did not want to take. I couldn’t refuse although there was no pressure on his part to follow down that yellow brick road.
And in the end I suppose it was my own indifference that trapped me. I had never chosen the road yet I traveled it with an urgency that left me breathless."
I remember only snippets of our conversation, scenes set in tableau that seemed to hang forever in my memory like old sepia toned photographs in a yard sale photo album. I was detached and involved simultaneously. Drawn to the flame of his strangeness; unfamiliar territory I really did not want to investigate but knew I would. Like an explorer on a journey to a land I both feared and was tempted by.
The evening dragged as it sped by. I remember leaving the play early though I did not want to. I remember the long walk I did not want to take. I couldn’t refuse although there was no pressure on his part to follow down that yellow brick road.
And in the end I suppose it was my own indifference that trapped me. I had never chosen the road yet I traveled it with an urgency that left me breathless."
Remembering the Tears
I will leave behind all of my clothes
I wore when I was with you
All I need's my railroad boots
And my leather jacket
As I say goodbye to Ruby's arms
Although my heart is breaking
I will steal away out through your blinds
Soon you will be waking
The morning light has washed your face
And everything is turning blue now
Hold on to your pillow case
There's nothing I can do now
As I say goodbye to Ruby's arms
You'll find another soldier
And I swear to God by Christmas time
There'll be someone new to hold you
The only thing I'm taking is
The scarf off of your clothesline
I'll hurry past your chest of drawers
And your broken wind chimes
As I say goodbye
I say goodbye
Say goodbye
To Ruby's arms
I'll feel my way down the darkened hall
And out into the morning
The hobos at the freightyards
Have kept their fires burning
And I said Jesus Christ
This goddamn rain
Will someone put me on a train
I'll never kiss your lips again
Or break your heart
As I say goodbye
I say goodbye
Say goodbye
To Ruby's arms
And it still makes me cry... "I watch you fade down the hall, your face in shadow, my heart in my hand..."
Is it 19 years since Insignificance? Clear as bell I smell the autumn city air, the crispness of late September, the noisy streets, the touch of your hand and the moment passed. Those bright fall mornings when winter whispered around the corner and I never knew the beginning and end were entwined like lovers in an eternal embrace.
Now when I am at my happiest and peace is finally resting on my breast like a fulfilled child I am drawn to those memories, an unwilling captive of my own past.
I want to apologize for the angry words, the lost time you were so concerned with ... but you are lost like time now and the words hang in the air, a bitter reminder of opportunities missed.
I wore when I was with you
All I need's my railroad boots
And my leather jacket
As I say goodbye to Ruby's arms
Although my heart is breaking
I will steal away out through your blinds
Soon you will be waking
The morning light has washed your face
And everything is turning blue now
Hold on to your pillow case
There's nothing I can do now
As I say goodbye to Ruby's arms
You'll find another soldier
And I swear to God by Christmas time
There'll be someone new to hold you
The only thing I'm taking is
The scarf off of your clothesline
I'll hurry past your chest of drawers
And your broken wind chimes
As I say goodbye
I say goodbye
Say goodbye
To Ruby's arms
I'll feel my way down the darkened hall
And out into the morning
The hobos at the freightyards
Have kept their fires burning
And I said Jesus Christ
This goddamn rain
Will someone put me on a train
I'll never kiss your lips again
Or break your heart
As I say goodbye
I say goodbye
Say goodbye
To Ruby's arms
And it still makes me cry... "I watch you fade down the hall, your face in shadow, my heart in my hand..."
Is it 19 years since Insignificance? Clear as bell I smell the autumn city air, the crispness of late September, the noisy streets, the touch of your hand and the moment passed. Those bright fall mornings when winter whispered around the corner and I never knew the beginning and end were entwined like lovers in an eternal embrace.
Now when I am at my happiest and peace is finally resting on my breast like a fulfilled child I am drawn to those memories, an unwilling captive of my own past.
I want to apologize for the angry words, the lost time you were so concerned with ... but you are lost like time now and the words hang in the air, a bitter reminder of opportunities missed.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Where Are You Now?
Diamonds and Rust
(lyrics by Joan Baez)
Well I'll be damned
Here comes your ghost again
But that's not unusual
It's just that the moon is full
And you happened to call
And here I sit
Hand on the telephone
Hearing a voice I'd known
A couple of light years ago
Heading straight for a fall
As I remember your eyes
Were bluer than robin's eggs
My poetry was lousy you said
Where are you calling from?
A booth in the midwest
Ten years ago
I bought you some cufflinks
You brought me something
We both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Well you burst on the scene
Already a legend
The unwashed phenomenon
The original vagabond
You strayed into my arms
And there you stayed
Temporarily lost at sea
The Madonna was yours for free
Yes the girl on the half-shell
Would keep you unharmed
Now I see you standing
With brown leaves falling around
And snow in your hair
Now you're smiling out the window
Of that crummy hotel
Over Washington Square
Our breath comes out white clouds
Mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me
We both could have died then and there
Now you're telling me
You're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You who are so good with words
And at keeping things vague
Because I need some of that vagueness now
It's all come back too clearly
Yes I loved you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust
I've already paid
And I see you in his eyes and remember...
(lyrics by Joan Baez)
Well I'll be damned
Here comes your ghost again
But that's not unusual
It's just that the moon is full
And you happened to call
And here I sit
Hand on the telephone
Hearing a voice I'd known
A couple of light years ago
Heading straight for a fall
As I remember your eyes
Were bluer than robin's eggs
My poetry was lousy you said
Where are you calling from?
A booth in the midwest
Ten years ago
I bought you some cufflinks
You brought me something
We both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Well you burst on the scene
Already a legend
The unwashed phenomenon
The original vagabond
You strayed into my arms
And there you stayed
Temporarily lost at sea
The Madonna was yours for free
Yes the girl on the half-shell
Would keep you unharmed
Now I see you standing
With brown leaves falling around
And snow in your hair
Now you're smiling out the window
Of that crummy hotel
Over Washington Square
Our breath comes out white clouds
Mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me
We both could have died then and there
Now you're telling me
You're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You who are so good with words
And at keeping things vague
Because I need some of that vagueness now
It's all come back too clearly
Yes I loved you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust
I've already paid
And I see you in his eyes and remember...
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Eating the Worm
Going through life never taking chances is not really living at all. Sometimes you can't just drink the tequila, sometimes you have to eat the worm. Sometimes you have to live a little dangerously and take a big old bite out of your dreams, taste the sweet and the bitter.
Sometimes you just have to do it. It would be awful to look back when you are old and think "I should have..."
Sometimes you just have to do it. It would be awful to look back when you are old and think "I should have..."
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Happy Birthday Josh
Josh and Emily
Behind Blue Eyes
The Who
The Who
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like
No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fatedTo telling only lies
But my dreams
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what it's like
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
But my dreams
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
When my fist clenches, crack it open
When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
If I swallow anything evil
If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
No one knows what it's like
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad manT
o be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
Thursday, September 22, 2005
The Cat Lady
When I was little I was always bringing home stray kittens. I couldn't pass one by without picking it up and sneaking it into my house. I was a "latch key kid" before the term even existed. So it was pretty easy to get the little rascals into the house, pretty hard to hide them, and really tough to feed them and supply adequate toileting opportunities. Back in those days cats came and went through open windows, exploring the neighborhood and having cat adventures, returning at meal times or if the weather was unpleasant. Even in a big city like NY it was common for cat owners to permit their felines this freedom. After all they were cats, and where did the expression catting around originate??
One fine summer morning I was laying around, book in one hand and cat (Whiskers) tucked comfortably against my body when a soft knock came at my front door. My mother was in the midst of mopping the kitchen floor and asked me to answer.
I opened the door to find an elegant if elderly woman on our doorstep. She was dressed in what would have been fashionable in the 1930's which was cool with me. If it was unusual I liked it even back then.
"Good afternoon. I'm Betty Wright." With that she extended her hand to shake mine.
Now I was decked out in my finest worn shorts and tee shirt, hair unbrushed and looking what could be called rough.
She lived across the street and had a couple of cats of her own. Well apparently Whiskers was an amorous fellow who liked to sit on her window sill and bang against her screen in an effort to pay special attention to her lady kitty. She wasn't angry, she wasn't complaining, she was concerned about Whiskers. Miss Wright belonged to an organization called Friends of Animals which would spay and neuter animals at no cost to owners. Now back in the day that wasn't the big deal it has since become (and rightfully so!) My mother sensing this would be the neighborly thing to do agreed to allow Miss Wright to take Whiskers and put an end to his carousing. A few days later she packed him into her cat carrier (a novelty I had seen in the movies but never in real life) and took him off to be "fixed". She returned him the next day, seemingly none the worse for his experience. (I was young enough not to appreciate the indignity of what he went through.)
I became friends with Miss Wright (the neighborhood "Cat Lady"). I would visit her often, and spent hours sitting with her kitties on my lap, sipping tea from cups with saucers, eating dainty little cookies, looking through old photo albums, and listening to music. Miss Wright had been a stage performer (singer and actress) in her youth. There was still evidence of her former beauty and in fact for a woman easily in her 70's she was remarkable looking. We would sing together, old songs, not the rock and roll I listened to with my friends. She encouraged me to sing, to express myself, to listen to music and read books.
As with all teens I grew away from our visits. I spent more time with friends my own age. I would see Miss Wright and she would always inquire after Whiskers and my mother (in that order) but at some point in time I stopped seeing her with her hat cocked at a jaunty angle as she pulled her shopping cart home. Back then I didn't exactly notice. What happened to her? What happened to the cats she loved so much? I am so ashamed I didn't pay attention.
Whiskers continued his moonlight wanderings and one day he just didn't come home. He was pretty old, about 10 I guess. Not bad for an alley cat. But thinking about him now I feel like crying. How sad I didn't learn to be responsible when I was younger.
One fine summer morning I was laying around, book in one hand and cat (Whiskers) tucked comfortably against my body when a soft knock came at my front door. My mother was in the midst of mopping the kitchen floor and asked me to answer.
I opened the door to find an elegant if elderly woman on our doorstep. She was dressed in what would have been fashionable in the 1930's which was cool with me. If it was unusual I liked it even back then.
"Good afternoon. I'm Betty Wright." With that she extended her hand to shake mine.
Now I was decked out in my finest worn shorts and tee shirt, hair unbrushed and looking what could be called rough.
She lived across the street and had a couple of cats of her own. Well apparently Whiskers was an amorous fellow who liked to sit on her window sill and bang against her screen in an effort to pay special attention to her lady kitty. She wasn't angry, she wasn't complaining, she was concerned about Whiskers. Miss Wright belonged to an organization called Friends of Animals which would spay and neuter animals at no cost to owners. Now back in the day that wasn't the big deal it has since become (and rightfully so!) My mother sensing this would be the neighborly thing to do agreed to allow Miss Wright to take Whiskers and put an end to his carousing. A few days later she packed him into her cat carrier (a novelty I had seen in the movies but never in real life) and took him off to be "fixed". She returned him the next day, seemingly none the worse for his experience. (I was young enough not to appreciate the indignity of what he went through.)
I became friends with Miss Wright (the neighborhood "Cat Lady"). I would visit her often, and spent hours sitting with her kitties on my lap, sipping tea from cups with saucers, eating dainty little cookies, looking through old photo albums, and listening to music. Miss Wright had been a stage performer (singer and actress) in her youth. There was still evidence of her former beauty and in fact for a woman easily in her 70's she was remarkable looking. We would sing together, old songs, not the rock and roll I listened to with my friends. She encouraged me to sing, to express myself, to listen to music and read books.
As with all teens I grew away from our visits. I spent more time with friends my own age. I would see Miss Wright and she would always inquire after Whiskers and my mother (in that order) but at some point in time I stopped seeing her with her hat cocked at a jaunty angle as she pulled her shopping cart home. Back then I didn't exactly notice. What happened to her? What happened to the cats she loved so much? I am so ashamed I didn't pay attention.
Whiskers continued his moonlight wanderings and one day he just didn't come home. He was pretty old, about 10 I guess. Not bad for an alley cat. But thinking about him now I feel like crying. How sad I didn't learn to be responsible when I was younger.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Long Ago
Many years ago when I was in college in Brooklyn I was hurrying for the subway one cold winter afternoon. My mind was already working on the paper I had due. A young woman with a very small little girl at her side stepped up to me and asked softly if I could spare some change. I stopped an looked at her face, a face filled with questions, fears, what??? I had four kids at home, one just an infant. Was this a scam? I asked if she needed carfare and she said no they were hungry. She only wanted enough to buy something for her daughter from one of the near by fast food restaurants. Unthinking I said, "Come on." I took them to Arby's and told her to order whatever she wanted. She ordered only for the child and although I insisted, would not get anything for herself. We sat and talked and she told me she had left an abusive situation and was currently living in a shelter. They had to get out for part of the day so she and her daughter who was a little over 2 would just walk around. As I left them I pressed a ten into her hand, my lunch money for the rest of the week. What happened to them? I still wonder if they found a place. The girl would be in her 20's now. Is she happy? Are she and her mom still together? Did she go to school? Does she still like chocolate shakes and apple pie?
Just 18
What a couple of months! My baby will turn 18 on Saturday. Just writing it brings a lump to my throat. Time flys by on wings of light. I remember sitting at the window with him one early spring morning when the sky was a crisp blue and the clouds were like fat white teddy bears. I whispered in his ear, "This is a moment. Hold onto it in your mind forever." I remember when he started kindergarten and he was so sad to levae me all day. I breathed into his tiny fist and said, "I am here with you. Just open your hand and I fly out to say hello." I remember laying in bed as he learned to read, night after night Dr. Seuss slept beneath my pillow where he would be stuck before I moved the sleeping child to his own bed.
I think today I will look at the clouds, take a deep breath and tuck Go Dog Go under my pillow.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Roach and Neo Caught in the Act
They said it isn't what it appears. But here is the evidence! And to think he is her grandfather!
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
My Baby Girl
My baby girl got engaged last night. My baby girl is 24 years old (will be 25 in Nov). She's been dating this boy for 8 years. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. After all they have been living together for years, they bought a home together, they are getting ready to take a big vacation together. But, my BABY GIRL is engaged.
I am happy for her, for both of them. But this has tickled my nostalgia bone and I remember things from long ago. The moment she was born, the time she slept in a suitcase, the time I took her into NYC to see the Christmas decorations. The first time she performed with NY Kids on Stage. The first time she performed at the Bijou. When she had chicken pox. When she had to get stitches. My baby girl is engaged. Where did the time go???
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Racism
As a "Yankee" who has relocated to the South I am amazed at the diversity of opinion I encounter on racism. In my job I daily deal with TANF recipients (which I was myself not too long ago). The stereotypes of our youth are still alive and well, but in my daily experience those stereotypes are from from reality. My caseload alone presents a wide spectrum of races, genders, educational levels, work experience. Yet the view of the poor black woman, who doesn't want to work, has little or no education, and five kids with different fathers persists. That is so far from the truth. I have assisted women with college degrees, one child, coming out of lengthy marriages, men trying to put their families lives together after catastrophic job loss, and a plethora of other situations. In this generation I would hope we, as a society, would have grown past the "stereotypes". Will we ever view individuals as just that, unique people, with their own set of problems and situations?
Oddly enough I have experienced racism myself. I am a middle aged white woman with four children (all grown now) who has had to rely on "the system" while I struggled to raise my family with no assistance or support from my former spouse. When I talk about having received food stamps, or lived in public housing, my history os greeted with disbelief. "But you're white!" Or "But you're educated!" But I am human just like everyone else. Anyone can fall on hard times, or make mistakes that put them in uncomfortable positions. I work with single mothers, black and white, educated and not so educated, who have struggled and succeeded to make good lives for their families. In the end it's all about attitude and determination, and the Grace of G-d.
I thank G-d every day for putting me where I am so I can in some way return the blessings I have received. It's what I love about my job. Never forget where you came from, never think you can't fall, never judge another person. You haven't lived their lives.
Oddly enough I have experienced racism myself. I am a middle aged white woman with four children (all grown now) who has had to rely on "the system" while I struggled to raise my family with no assistance or support from my former spouse. When I talk about having received food stamps, or lived in public housing, my history os greeted with disbelief. "But you're white!" Or "But you're educated!" But I am human just like everyone else. Anyone can fall on hard times, or make mistakes that put them in uncomfortable positions. I work with single mothers, black and white, educated and not so educated, who have struggled and succeeded to make good lives for their families. In the end it's all about attitude and determination, and the Grace of G-d.
I thank G-d every day for putting me where I am so I can in some way return the blessings I have received. It's what I love about my job. Never forget where you came from, never think you can't fall, never judge another person. You haven't lived their lives.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Peanut Butter
You know when you can't open the peanut butter, and you hit it with the knife, and it dents the top , but it still won't open. There is always someone watching who waits. Because they KNOW when you give up they will be able to open it because YOU have loosened it. They do it with such glee. Why is that?
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Tzedaka
I have pondered the question of leaving my job. I have prayed. Below are the answers I received. What is more important? My comfort? Helping someone less fortunate? Yes there are others who can do this job as well or better. But I think of Hillel.
"If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am I? And if not now, when?"
Maimonides defines eight levels in giving charity (tzedakah). Each one is higher than the other. On an ascending level, they are as follows:
8. When donations are given grudgingly.
7. When one gives less than he should, but does so cheerfully.
6. When one gives directly to the poor upon being asked.
5. When one gives directly to the poor without being asked.
4. Donations when the recipient is aware of the donor's identity, but the donor still doesn't know the specific identity of the recipient.
3. Donations when the donor is aware to whom the charity is being given, but the recipient is unaware of the source.
2. Giving assistance in such a way that the giver and recipient are unknown to each other. Communal funds, administered by responsible people are also in this category.
1. The highest form of charity is to help sustain a person before they become impoverished by offering a substantial gift in a dignified manner, or by extending a suitable loan, or by helping them find employment or establish themselves in business so as to make it unnecessary for them to become dependent on others.
Thus it is written: "And you strengthened the stranger who lives with you." i.e. Strengthen him so he won't fall and need your help.
"If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am I? And if not now, when?"
Maimonides defines eight levels in giving charity (tzedakah). Each one is higher than the other. On an ascending level, they are as follows:
8. When donations are given grudgingly.
7. When one gives less than he should, but does so cheerfully.
6. When one gives directly to the poor upon being asked.
5. When one gives directly to the poor without being asked.
4. Donations when the recipient is aware of the donor's identity, but the donor still doesn't know the specific identity of the recipient.
3. Donations when the donor is aware to whom the charity is being given, but the recipient is unaware of the source.
2. Giving assistance in such a way that the giver and recipient are unknown to each other. Communal funds, administered by responsible people are also in this category.
1. The highest form of charity is to help sustain a person before they become impoverished by offering a substantial gift in a dignified manner, or by extending a suitable loan, or by helping them find employment or establish themselves in business so as to make it unnecessary for them to become dependent on others.
Thus it is written: "And you strengthened the stranger who lives with you." i.e. Strengthen him so he won't fall and need your help.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Female Heroes - Sheroes??
Survey - Female Heroes
There's been a lot of talk this past years about John Glenn being an "American Hero. "But what about women like Jerrie Cobb who have the right stuff but are not exhalted to the same level as male heroes? In honor of Cobb and the other women who lead the way, here's your opportunity to tell us about the sheroes you admire most.
1. What do you think makes someone a shero?
2. What woman in your own life is your shero? Why?
3. When you were growing up what female role model most influenced you? Why?
4. What woman in history is your shero? Why?
5. What current woman in public life is a true shero? Why?
6. Are you a shero and why? (Be honest!)
There's been a lot of talk this past years about John Glenn being an "American Hero. "But what about women like Jerrie Cobb who have the right stuff but are not exhalted to the same level as male heroes? In honor of Cobb and the other women who lead the way, here's your opportunity to tell us about the sheroes you admire most.
1. What do you think makes someone a shero?
2. What woman in your own life is your shero? Why?
3. When you were growing up what female role model most influenced you? Why?
4. What woman in history is your shero? Why?
5. What current woman in public life is a true shero? Why?
6. Are you a shero and why? (Be honest!)
DESIDERATA
Written by
Max Ehrmann in the 1920s
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Searching
Well it has come to the point where I may have to decide between my job and my health (and my marriage??) I love what I do. I truly do. It is a worthwhile job, in fact it is incredibly rewarding. But over the past week things have gone so sour "politically" that I have ended up in the ER, my doctor has scolded me, my husband has told me to quit immediately, and I feel so torn I want to cry. Is a job worth your life? I have never thought so. A wonderful opportunity for something better is right there waiting, but it is so unlike my current position that even though it pays substantially more, is a high supervisory position, it is NOT giving anything back. For me it has always been about giving back.
I don't think I am looking for advice. I am looking into myself, trying to find some way to put things in perspective, keep a level head, and not get "ghetto" about the whole situation. I was blindsided by this and now I am so shocked at how behaviors can change at the drop of a hat. I have come to the conclusion that people don't really want to hear the TRUTH, they want to hear their truth and what makes them comfortable. So my opinions are my own.
From co-workers who talk to me on a regular basis, it appears as though there may be a mass exodus. I can't believe it! I have listened to grumblings for months, but suddenly it's this huge explosion of whispers. I keep saying, I am not the person to talk to. Talk to the BOSS! But I understand how they feel. Who do I talk to? My family who thinks I need to find something else? My Rabbi who somewhat agrees with my family, but is a little more understanding of my position. My friends away from work who are eager to get me jobs where they work?
As one person recommended, I just pray and wait for an answer.
I don't think I am looking for advice. I am looking into myself, trying to find some way to put things in perspective, keep a level head, and not get "ghetto" about the whole situation. I was blindsided by this and now I am so shocked at how behaviors can change at the drop of a hat. I have come to the conclusion that people don't really want to hear the TRUTH, they want to hear their truth and what makes them comfortable. So my opinions are my own.
From co-workers who talk to me on a regular basis, it appears as though there may be a mass exodus. I can't believe it! I have listened to grumblings for months, but suddenly it's this huge explosion of whispers. I keep saying, I am not the person to talk to. Talk to the BOSS! But I understand how they feel. Who do I talk to? My family who thinks I need to find something else? My Rabbi who somewhat agrees with my family, but is a little more understanding of my position. My friends away from work who are eager to get me jobs where they work?
As one person recommended, I just pray and wait for an answer.
Friday, August 05, 2005
On Friendship...
Are your friends only your friends when you agree with them? Do they only want you to regurgitate what they say, like some inept school teacher who doesn't care if you understand, just agree? Why are some people so stubborn that they believe their way is the only way, what they feel is the only thing of importance, and what any other person thinks is okay as long as it stands in agreement with what THEY think. Ay.
And then the obsessives ... oh yes they are wonderful indeed. The few who see only the negative, the cloud, the darkness. "Everyone is out to get me so I am going to get them first!!" How egotistical to think it is all about yourself.
I am tired, and I am sick, and I think I have had enough emotional debris laid at my door for this week thank you very much.
Excuse me while I pray ... for the friends who aren't really friends, the negative thinking obsessives, and of course the egotists with their fragile psyches. And I think a little prayer for myself, for patience, for understanding, for forgiveness. For the wisdom to see the open door and the courage to go through it.
And then the obsessives ... oh yes they are wonderful indeed. The few who see only the negative, the cloud, the darkness. "Everyone is out to get me so I am going to get them first!!" How egotistical to think it is all about yourself.
I am tired, and I am sick, and I think I have had enough emotional debris laid at my door for this week thank you very much.
Excuse me while I pray ... for the friends who aren't really friends, the negative thinking obsessives, and of course the egotists with their fragile psyches. And I think a little prayer for myself, for patience, for understanding, for forgiveness. For the wisdom to see the open door and the courage to go through it.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Power and Corruption
I have seen so many people come to positions of power with the best intentions, the desire to make positive changes in a world fraught with negative occurrences. Somewhere along the way, they become enamored of their own power, of the titles bestowed on them, and they forget the goal. I don't believe they make conscious choices to walk away from their altruistic dreams. It seems more like a drawing toward some kind of undefined glory. Captivated by their seeming omnipotence, they attempt to maneuver the world (and people) to fit their design. Rather like Dr Frankenstein they struggle to create "Life" or a form of Life that meshes with their own ideals.
Is this the ongoing struggle between Man and G-d? Is Man's desire to equal G-d what keeps us from uniting with G-d?
Bereshit 3
"4 And the serpent said unto the woman: 'Ye shall not surely die;
5 for G-d doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as G-d, knowing good and evil.'"
Is this the ongoing struggle between Man and G-d? Is Man's desire to equal G-d what keeps us from uniting with G-d?
Bereshit 3
"4 And the serpent said unto the woman: 'Ye shall not surely die;
5 for G-d doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as G-d, knowing good and evil.'"
Faith
I have been reading The Tanakh and various versions of the Christian Old Testament. So much of what we believe is based on Faith. Our Faith causes us to interpret G-d's Holy Word. I wonder why people who hold specific beliefs, based on their own faith, insist on trying to persuade others they are right, their way is the only way. Is it truly the desire to help or is it ego? Is it the desire to bend another person to their will or to improve another's life? Is it out of love or is it control?
Some people DO seem to want to "save" others, to guide them to what they believe is the right path. Their Faith is firm and they believe sharing their experiences, their beliefs, is a mitzvah, or a good deed/blessing. That led me to think about my Faith. I am happy to share my beliefs and discuss them. Do I want others to believe what I believe? I want to share the blessings I have gotten from G_d, the wonders that G_d had shown me, but do they need to believe as I believe? I don't know that that is something I am concerned with. Love G_d and love your neighbor, all the rest will follow.
Some people DO seem to want to "save" others, to guide them to what they believe is the right path. Their Faith is firm and they believe sharing their experiences, their beliefs, is a mitzvah, or a good deed/blessing. That led me to think about my Faith. I am happy to share my beliefs and discuss them. Do I want others to believe what I believe? I want to share the blessings I have gotten from G_d, the wonders that G_d had shown me, but do they need to believe as I believe? I don't know that that is something I am concerned with. Love G_d and love your neighbor, all the rest will follow.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Sh'ma Yisrael Adonai Elohaynu Adonai Echad.
I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments. (Ex.20:5-6, Deut.5:8-9).
It's scary!... and the truth!... that's what God Himself says: I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God.
Jesus and the "Ten Commandments"
Jesus Christ stated the original Ten could be boiled down to two: - Love God with all your heart, the first stone tablet - and love your neighbor as yourself, the second stone tablet (Mr.12:28-31):
28One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"
29"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is ONE.
30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' 31The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (Mr.12:28-31).
It should be noticed that Jesus mentioned the First Commandment, not from the Decalogue, but from the "Shema", which means "Hear": 4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. (Deut.6:4-5).
17 Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfil them. 18 I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19 Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practises and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven Matthew 5:17-19.
What did Jesus mean by this? Obviously as a good Jew in a time when the Temple had become corrupt, Jesus sought to reestablish Judaism by reinforcing the laws given us by G-d. How can the Shema be reconciled with the Christian Trinity? And what about the Law?
It was only during my conversion to Judaism that I began to see Jesus more clearly. I seem to be thinking about all these biblical references a lot lately as I try to live my life according to G_d's law. Truly I believe we are here to praise G_d our Father and Creator but also to follow his law to love one another. Every day I hear or see evidence of one person treating another shamefully, speaking about someone unkindly, and I have my guilty moments as well. I am trying to do better. It's so easy to follow the Shema, and so much more difficult to "love your neighbor".
On a daily scale it isn't so hard. But to truly respect and love your neighbor on a world-wide level. Whew! What a challenge!
It's scary!... and the truth!... that's what God Himself says: I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God.
Jesus and the "Ten Commandments"
Jesus Christ stated the original Ten could be boiled down to two: - Love God with all your heart, the first stone tablet - and love your neighbor as yourself, the second stone tablet (Mr.12:28-31):
28One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"
29"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is ONE.
30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' 31The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (Mr.12:28-31).
It should be noticed that Jesus mentioned the First Commandment, not from the Decalogue, but from the "Shema", which means "Hear": 4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. (Deut.6:4-5).
17 Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfil them. 18 I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19 Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practises and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven Matthew 5:17-19.
What did Jesus mean by this? Obviously as a good Jew in a time when the Temple had become corrupt, Jesus sought to reestablish Judaism by reinforcing the laws given us by G-d. How can the Shema be reconciled with the Christian Trinity? And what about the Law?
It was only during my conversion to Judaism that I began to see Jesus more clearly. I seem to be thinking about all these biblical references a lot lately as I try to live my life according to G_d's law. Truly I believe we are here to praise G_d our Father and Creator but also to follow his law to love one another. Every day I hear or see evidence of one person treating another shamefully, speaking about someone unkindly, and I have my guilty moments as well. I am trying to do better. It's so easy to follow the Shema, and so much more difficult to "love your neighbor".
On a daily scale it isn't so hard. But to truly respect and love your neighbor on a world-wide level. Whew! What a challenge!
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Motivations
I have no particular taste for post-mortem immortality. I am immortal now, while I am gloriously alive.- Rabbi Joel Blau, "My Uncertain God," 1924
I have been thinking a lot about "good deeds" and why people do them. What motivates a person to pull over and assist a stranded driver? Why do we hand a stranger a dollar to get something to eat? What is our conscious motivation for random acts of kindness? I imagine some people think about an eternal reward. I imagine some think of the need and feel sympathy. Some perhaps think, there but for the grace of G_d go I. Is it instinct, do you act before you even think? Does it relate back to some incident in your past where you received help, or maybe didn't receive help? Do you think, G_d will surely reward me for this? Or maybe, if I don't do this I am never going to see the other side of the gates of heaven?
I'm curious. Is about you? Is about "them"? Is it about G_d? Is it about doing the right thing?
I have been thinking a lot about "good deeds" and why people do them. What motivates a person to pull over and assist a stranded driver? Why do we hand a stranger a dollar to get something to eat? What is our conscious motivation for random acts of kindness? I imagine some people think about an eternal reward. I imagine some think of the need and feel sympathy. Some perhaps think, there but for the grace of G_d go I. Is it instinct, do you act before you even think? Does it relate back to some incident in your past where you received help, or maybe didn't receive help? Do you think, G_d will surely reward me for this? Or maybe, if I don't do this I am never going to see the other side of the gates of heaven?
I'm curious. Is about you? Is about "them"? Is it about G_d? Is it about doing the right thing?
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Losing Myself
I woke up this morning and prayed very hard. I am afraid I am becoming jaded and losing my compassion. It isn't just my job, even my personal life seems to be affected. I have caught myself not just thinking unkind things, but saying them.
It seems as I get older I regress to that opinonated, pretentious kid I was in my teens. Is this another symptom of old age? I have to laugh at the old adage -not getting older but growing wiser. I am afraid in my case it may not be so.I feel as though I have taken a giant step back and I don't like the me I am seeing. So I have decided to begin to examine myself more carefully, think VERY hard before I speak, see both sides of a situation, and pray a whole lot!
Of courde now I have also developed "the guilts".Have I hurt or offended anyone? God that is an awful thought! I've been tougher on my customers. Maybe it is necessary but I worry I will seem unfeeling when I really do feel for most of them. Ahhh the dilemmas of life... Of course all this tough love makes me look at my kids and wonder if maybe love wasn't tough enough or too tough? I could go crazier trying to figure this out.
It seems as I get older I regress to that opinonated, pretentious kid I was in my teens. Is this another symptom of old age? I have to laugh at the old adage -not getting older but growing wiser. I am afraid in my case it may not be so.I feel as though I have taken a giant step back and I don't like the me I am seeing. So I have decided to begin to examine myself more carefully, think VERY hard before I speak, see both sides of a situation, and pray a whole lot!
Of courde now I have also developed "the guilts".Have I hurt or offended anyone? God that is an awful thought! I've been tougher on my customers. Maybe it is necessary but I worry I will seem unfeeling when I really do feel for most of them. Ahhh the dilemmas of life... Of course all this tough love makes me look at my kids and wonder if maybe love wasn't tough enough or too tough? I could go crazier trying to figure this out.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
How Interesting... How Wonderful
It's amazing how I can be in the midst of an awful week and something so wonderful and impressive can happen that I am stopped short.
In a week where madness seemed to reign supreme, a glimmer of sunlight came from an unexpected source.
I had criticized someone (namelessly) in an earlier post and after the situation was forgotten (at least by me) went on about my business. This afternoon I got a telephone call from that person concerned about what I had been feeling when I posted and wondering what had happened to upset me so much! The very fact that someone who really has nothing obvious to gain would take the time to respond personally to my comments impressed me tremendously. I forget sometimes that we are all human (including myself). We all have our good days and bad and sometimes two people who share similar views and have simultaneous bad days can react badly.
I know this is confusing but right now I am so pleased and impressed I am really finding it difficult to think. It is just good to know that there are people who still feel responsible for their action. In all fairness, taking responsibility for mine, I over reacted to a situation that was none of my business. But maybe some good came out of it in the end. I only hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings.
We may all forget that what we post on the Internet is in fact public domain. And I would be wise to think before I act.
In a week where madness seemed to reign supreme, a glimmer of sunlight came from an unexpected source.
I had criticized someone (namelessly) in an earlier post and after the situation was forgotten (at least by me) went on about my business. This afternoon I got a telephone call from that person concerned about what I had been feeling when I posted and wondering what had happened to upset me so much! The very fact that someone who really has nothing obvious to gain would take the time to respond personally to my comments impressed me tremendously. I forget sometimes that we are all human (including myself). We all have our good days and bad and sometimes two people who share similar views and have simultaneous bad days can react badly.
I know this is confusing but right now I am so pleased and impressed I am really finding it difficult to think. It is just good to know that there are people who still feel responsible for their action. In all fairness, taking responsibility for mine, I over reacted to a situation that was none of my business. But maybe some good came out of it in the end. I only hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings.
We may all forget that what we post on the Internet is in fact public domain. And I would be wise to think before I act.
Friday, June 03, 2005
Growing Away
This past weekend my husband and I spent a relaxing stay in a quiet cabin on the other side of the mountain. It was a place I had taken my children when they were small, before my husband was part of my life.
What a jolt it was to see those places and remember my five year old son and 12 year old daughter tubing down Deep Creek. The squeals of delight, the stark terror when he drifted by and my daughters hysterical screams, in all of three feet of water! The hiking trail by the waterall where my son, older now at 11, raced across an icy log bridge with his 7 year old nephew scooting behind, ignoring warning signs of slippery rocks. No one fell in thank heavens.
My daughter is now 24 and my son is 17, the oldest grandson grown from 7 to 12. Where did the time go?
I drive past churches and schools, and halls where my son performed in musicals. plays, contests. It brings a lump to my throat. My youngest is almost a man, in fact in many ways he is.
My oldest daughter is a mess, 3 sons and a bad relationship. When do we stop being "parents"? Never. Even when we stop making the rules, kissing the boo-boos, fixing the messes, we still feel the pain.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Here We Go Again
Another Wednesday. Another overview which is going to be creatively renamed A Welcoming Session. Both euphemisms for "We gotcha!" But do we really have them? Or do they have us? The multiple excuses for not doing what the rest of the world has to do in order to survive, support a family, grow ...The few who truly have goals, the many whose goal is to continue milking the system.
Welfare was originally designed so mothers could stay home with their children. Now it is designed (supposedly) to help families over the rough spots so they can return to work and dump their children in childcare facilities whose employees barely make enough to support their own families. What's wrong with this picture???
Welfare was originally designed so mothers could stay home with their children. Now it is designed (supposedly) to help families over the rough spots so they can return to work and dump their children in childcare facilities whose employees barely make enough to support their own families. What's wrong with this picture???
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Professionalism or Just Plain Courtesy
It amazes me how inconsiderate people can become when they are promoted at work. Take my "boss". When I was hired she was an assistant director, but has since been promoted to director. At first she remained the considerate and level headed supervisor she had always been. But recently I have seen a darker side creeping to the surface. Fortunately I have not been the brunt of her displeasure. I understand with more responsibility comes MORE RESPONSIBILITY. But that doesn't excuse chastising an individual in front of co-workers. That was something she would never have done in the past.
And on that note, why do people feel it is acceptable to get to the top by crawling over others? Putting down your co-workers doesn't make you look good, it makes you look nasty! But people continue to do this in order to get to the top! What's so great up there that you would hurt another person to get there??? I don't get it.
And why is it that people who are hard workers often get positions of "power" and suddenly become incapable of doing anything?
And on that note, why do people feel it is acceptable to get to the top by crawling over others? Putting down your co-workers doesn't make you look good, it makes you look nasty! But people continue to do this in order to get to the top! What's so great up there that you would hurt another person to get there??? I don't get it.
And why is it that people who are hard workers often get positions of "power" and suddenly become incapable of doing anything?
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