Where Was the US Leadership? | Between the Beats

Where Was the US Leadership? | Between the Beats

Where Was the US Leadership?

JANUARY 12, 2015 / LIZZI NEWTON / EDIT

The world has been stunned by the horrifying terrorist activity in France last week. Seventeen people were killed in attacks on the satirical publication Charlie Hebdo and a Kosher supermarket in Paris. Universal response has been loud and clear, we all stand with Charlie Hebdo as well as the Jewish citizens of Paris. When any nation is attacked world leaders speak out against the violence and often step forward to attend events supporting the injured country. 

A group of world leaders led a chain of 1.5 million people in a march along Boulevard Voltaire in Paris on Sunday. Joining French President Francois Hollande were British Prime Minister David Cameron, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy, Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov, Turkish Prime Minister Ahmet Davutoglu, Jordan’s King Abdullah II and Queen Rania, and even Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas. Many other leaders from Africa and other European countries were represented. This has been called the largest demonstration in the history of France by some.
US Attorney General Eric Holder was in Paris but he did not attend. The United States was represented by the US Ambassador to France Jane Hartley and Assistant Secretary of State Victoria Nuland. There is something painfully disturbing about this. President Barack Obama was at the White House in Washington, DC, and Secretary of State John Kerry was previously committed to be a lead speaker at a summit in India.
The streets of Paris were filled with Christians, Jews, and Muslims speaking out in unison against the Islamist terrorists who perpetrated the attacks in Paris. 

What does this lack of participation by the United States leadership say? White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest said it today. “We should have sent someone with a higher profile to be there”. Concerns about security were also stated. Attorney General Holder apparently had to hurry back to Washington and Secretary of State Kerry plans a stop in Paris on his way home.
Personally I find this very disturbing. When world leaders unite despite concerns about security to show solidarity against terrorism and the United States is under represented I feel we are sending a questionable message. Are our leaders any more valuable than these other representatives who stepped forward to demonstrate unity? Are the attacks by Islamist (not Islamic) terrorists on the side of the ocean any less important than an attack on American soil? When Christian, Jewish, and Muslim leaders lock arms to lead over a million people in standing against the vicious attacks and we are not properly represented we appear either frightened or uncaring.
Let me assure the world as an American citizen, as a country we are neither afraid nor uncaring. We stand with Paris and the rest of the world saying Je Suis Charlie, Je Suis Juif, Je Suis Francais. 

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Exclusive Interview With Olivia Roberts | Between the Beats

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Conspiracy

Read this new political thriller by Elizabeth Horton-Newton. How well do you know your neighbors? Who can you trust? How far would you go for someone you love? Some truths must be revealed whatever the consequences. Do you think you can trust the government?

Elizabeth Horton-Newton

Elizabeth Horton-Newton

Conspiracy

sixthfloor

"View From the Sixth Floor: An Oswald Tale"

My new novel, "View From the Sixth Floor: An Oswald Tale" will be released on Kindle on October 18, 2014; this would have been Lee Harvey Oswald's 75th birthday.

"Why are strangers suddenly appearing in a sleepy North Carolina town? What do they have to do with widow Olivia Roberts? Why is her neighbor and friend Bill Horton so dead set against her traveling to Dallas, Texas? When she journeys from her North Carolina home to Dallas in search of answers to questions from November 22, 1963 she learns more than she ever expected. 
“View from the Sixth Floor: An Oswald Tale” is a story of “what-ifs”? What if the assassination of President John F. Kennedy on November 22, 1963 was a conspiracy? What if accused assassin Lee Harvey Oswald was innocent? What if someone knew the truth and could prove it? What if someone you trusted turned out to be hiding a secret so big it could change history? 
This is a tale of friendship, love, political intrigue, and murder."

http://www.amazon.com/View-Sixth-Floor-Oswald-Tale-ebook/dp/B00NPCZW6W/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1413174394&sr=1-1&keywords=view+from+the+sixth+floor

It's my 61st birthday weekend. I never thought  I would live past 25; then at 25 I figured I was probably off by a few years and 30 would do it. I had big changes the year I flipped from 28 to 29 and I wondered if maybe I was using even numbers and that was why my predictions were incorrect. I decided on 33 since it was both an odd number and held particular significance for Christians and Catholics since that was the age of Jesus when he died. However it appeared I had a lot of life left in me yet. I had my last child when I was 36 (another even number). So here I am at 61, an odd number in an even numbered year. This past year has once again been a year of big changes. So I guess I need to recalculate yet again. I tried to look at my parents ages when they died. My father was 82 when he died and my mothers age was somewhere between 83 and 87 but we'll go with 83 since that is the date of record. That being said I should have a little more than 20 years left. I've decided to take a huge gamble with absolutely no reason, especially considering I am far from healthy, and go for 101. Yes I said 101 years. It's an odd number, that ends in an even year. 2054. Sounds interesting. A real gambler would shake his head and say lady you're going out on a real thin and shaky limb. Yup. I like the challenge. So here's to 661 and 40 more to come.

It was Emily who first came to my rescue. Emily, popular, blond, bright, and generous of time and spirit she stopped by the table where I ate my lunch alone. "Mind if I join you?" I was certain this would turn out to be a prank on the new kid. Might as well get it over with. Take the humiliation with good humor and fade back into the woodwork.

"Sure, have a seat, there are plenty of them." My tone was slightly sarcastic. If Emily noticed she gave no indication.
She sat across from me and popped open the small can of orange juice she purchased from the lunch lady, Miss Mary. I tried to surreptitiously hide my milk behind my lunch box. Emily wordlessly prepared her lunch. I say prepared because it was like watching an artsy film. She removed every item from her tray and proceeded to arrange it neatly in an order I didn't quite understand. Milk to the right, napkin folded below it, plate with one slice of pizza dead center, and in the upper right corner a small cup of what looked like green jell-o with pineapples. I looked down at the sliced turkey on wheat bread I had hastily put together that morning. A brown spotted banana lay in my lunch box, I knew I wouldn't eat it but Mom always got upset if I didn't eat right. Emily studied her food arrangement before smiling at me.
"It's just more pleasant when I pretend I'm in a nice restaurant being served an exquisite lunch by a tall dark waiter with a French accent." Looking serious she lowered her voice and said in a terrible French accent, "Ah m'amselle is everything to your satisfaction?" Then she winked and whispered, "Then he'll say how about a kiss?"
I felt my mouth drop open. This had to be a joke. I quickly looked around the lunchroom. Most of the other students were eating and talking, although there was one table of preppy looking girls that seemed to be studying us curiously.
Following my gaze Emily continued, "Don't mind them. I call them the Prep Patrol. They may stare and sometimes make rude comments but just ignore them and they'll go away."
I hastily began packing up the remains of my lunch. "I don't know what your game is but I don't want to play. Tell your friends I hope that had a good laugh."
 Not waiting for a response I strode purposefully past the preps well aware of their eyes following me. I looked sideways at them with what I hoped was an expression of distaste and ran headlong into David. Laughing he grabbed my arm, "Hey slow down there!"
I felt my face grow hot as I mumbled something unintelligible and rushed from the lunchroom. That was the day I met my future fiance and my future maid of honor.
The air had grown cooler and my eyes suddenly felt heavy. Maybe if I closed them for just a few minutes...

 

Chapter 1

Near-by the sound of the river chuckling over rocks is somehow soothing. I can feel the cool breeze on my face, and the shadows of the leaves above dance on my closed eyelids. Finally I have time to reflect, to look back on the winding path that led me to this moment.

My mother had always taught me to plan ahead. She instilled in me the need to think about where I was going and to design the paths I needed to follow to reach my destination. When I was ten years old my father disappeared. Well at the time I thought he simply disappeared. Years later I learned he had taken off with a woman he met at the PTA. But when I was ten he simply disappered. My mother picked herself up and suddenly I was a latch key kid in a neighborhood of two parent families. The other mothers watched out for me when I came home from school each day. During the summer I would spend a month at camp and a month visiting from neighborhood home to neighborhood home. I never knew I attended camp on a scholarship or that our church paid a small amount to various families to keep an eye on me while my mother worked.

Once I reached Junior High School my mother moved me into the public school system. I think the church would have continued to "sponsor" me since we were still struggling financially, I was a "good kid", and I was a VERY good student. But my mother wanted me to move out of the sheltered world I lived in undoubtedly because she was well aware she could not continue to keep me safe from reality.

I hated my first few months at Bay Ridge Junior High School. The other kids had all gone through elementary school together and knew one another by sight if not by name. Suddenly I had to decide what to wear each day instead of pulling on the same old uniform. That had seemed an exciting change until I actually had to do it. The first couple of weeks I struggled to fit in, often wearing the "wrong thing". Skirts when the other girls wore jeans, shirts tucked neatly in when the other girls wore loose tee-shirts.

And the Seasons They Go Round...

How much has changed? My 21-yr old moved into his own apartment. I have a baby granddaughter who is almost a year and a half old, my 2 teen aged grandsons live with me, my husband has lost a job, gotten a job, lost a job and is going to be starting a new job. I know I will soon be another year older (56!!) but I look at myself and still see 30 but with a few more pounds and maybe a few wrinkles. (Not many, go figure...) People have gone out of my life and new people have come into my life. I'm back in school and the past three semesters have seen me holding a 4.0 and managing to work full time and to be mommy to my grandsons. I forgot how much I love school. The excitement of new knowledge or the confirmation of things I believed to be true.
I've had more vacations and been pampered and relaxed and lay on the beach while Jose or Chico or Juan brought me mixed drinks whose names I could not pronounce and whose contents remain a mystery. I've been massaged, polished, cut and blow dried, facialed, and even curled. My feet have been reflexed and pedicured, my hair has been "blonded" and I eat every minute of it up.
This week we will go to a cabin in the mountains, just me and the hubby. I will lay in front of the fire and eat chocolate dipped strawberries, watch pointless films about serial killers and action figures, I will read and read and read, I will eat and drink far too much and soak in the hot tub until my skin is a hot dried prune. Then I will be lathered with oils and lotions and massaged to a blissful stupor.
Who says old age sucks? Damn but this seems pretty good to me!

Gave It Some Thought

Okay. So I have been remiss...
I am feeling VERY dark. People I thought I knew turned out to be VERY different. And so I write...

"Maybe it was turning forty that turned him around. He woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and realized he was losing his hair. And suddenly there was this little paunch where his stomach used to lie flat.
He looked around at his life and thought, "How did I get here?" He looked at his wife and wondered who she was. And was that HIS teen aged daughter?? Not possible, not possible at all.
Digging through the old file cabinet in the "office" he found some old photographs of himself, long hair and bloodshot eyes, throwing up a peace sign. That was him, not this balding, middle aged man who lived in a house of strangers.
He would go to work and watch all the sweet young things pass in and out of the office and realize he was not a candidate for their attention. When he had become good old Jack??
And then there was Chastity. Chas with her long blonde hair and tight skirts. Her shirts straining across firm high breasts and long legs ending in spiky high heels. He would watch her rushing down the halls of the office, skirt cupping her ass and wonder what it would be like to hold that ass in his hands... what would it be like to part those full luscious lips with his tongue and taste that sweet young nectar?
So one warm spring afternoon he took a shot. He knew her marriage sucked and she was miserable, she had told him details a girl tells an old friend (emphasis on old here). He would never forget that shocked stare when he offered her a little romance in her sad life. He would never forget the rejection and the overwhelming feeling of failure as she backed away.
And his wife would never forget the phone call from Chas's more than a little angry husband.
He only hoped his daughter would forget the sound of the gun when he pulled the trigger spraying his brains all over the nice neat bedspread his wife had just laid out that morning.
Yeah life sucked. But that wasn't his problem anymore. And neither was aging."

Mood Swinging

It's strange to see the changes. In my last post I was happy and optimistic. Now I am somewhere else, and I am not certain where that place is or why I am visiting it with such passion.
I look at my relationships as well as those of people around me and I wonder how we survive. All so different with small similarities that make us cling, however briefly, to one another. Do we fall in love with others because we see ourselves in their eyes or because we don't??? And if sameness attracts one to the other, is that a kind of narcissism? And what happens when one grows to the left and the other to the right? If we are attracted to the differences why do some people feel challenged to homogenize their partner, to make them the same? Are we afraid of the differences, threatened by what we don't understand?
Can one mistake in a relationship truly destroy it? Or is the error, the accidental moment, the breath of a lapse of judgement just be a first crack? Does the crack grow wider unaided by us, or does it require additional strikes of the hammer to make it urn to a chasm that can't be crossed?
Does everyone have little pieces of themselves that they hide from others and perhaps even from themselves? What is my secret? If I find out will I be able to accept it or will I be overwhelmed and swept away into an abyss of ...what??

Epiphany

Friday night I was stressed. I spent 2 and a half days in training half agreeing with the subject, half ridiculing it. Trapped in a meeting room for hours with my co-workers, whom I genuinely like. But I am absolutely awful at being "trapped". Wanting to run, feeling the pavement slip beneath my feet while I race to accelerate to a speed where I could lift off.

Not long after I got home from work I had another long drawn out argument with my older daughter whose behavior challenges me daily as a parent, a grandparent, a person. With a pounding headache I decided to lay down for a little while until my husband got home from work. He, too, had been trapped in training all week.

I was feeling pretty down when I heard the bedroom door open and opened my eyes to see him standing at the foot of the bed. It's hard to put that moment into words. In literature it would be something of an epiphany. Suddenly, looking at the love and concern in his eyes I felt all my stresses lift away. "Come lay down with me." There was nothing sexual about this. Just the warmth of two people drawing comfort from one another. We didn't talk about why we felt so crappy. It wasn't necessary. It was enough to know there was someone you could rest your head on and put the rest of the world away for a little while.

Over the past few days I have thought about that feeling a lot. There has been a shift in our relationship, which was always good. But there seems to be an added dimension now. We will have our 5th anniversary in June. The passion has always been a constant in our love, and of course we are friends. But this is something bigger and I don't really have a name for it.

My first marriage was a nightmare; ten years of a jealousy so profound it drove me crazy. I couldn't talk to anyone, go anywhere, write anything, think anything without explaining why. Sometimes "why" is just "because". As a "writer" it was horrible for me. Everything I wrote was examined under a microscope for possible signs of infidelity. I learned that if you are pushed hard enough, accused often enough, you sometimes respond by fulfilling those fears. That's not an excuse, anymore than my youth was an excuse, but it certainly was an indication that things were not and never would be good in that relationship.

I thought long and hard before marrying again, walking away from some relationships that had disaster written in bold red letters on their faces. I never thought I would be willing or able to handle the give and take of a marriage again. I was free and it was good. I could hog the whole bed, watch tv until dawn, go on a trip anywhere I chose, talk to a bum on the street if I felt like it. I could go back to school, work anywhere and anytime I wanted to. If I chose to wear spike heels and a blouse cut down to my belly button or a torn flannel nightie that was fine. Marriage would surely mean giving that up. I could put my most private thoughts on paper as journals or works of fiction and not be questioned about my inspiration. I could take photos of cowboys, rock bands, homeless people pissing in the street and it was my choice. There was no room for that freedom in a marriage.

But my husband has not only embraced my not perfect body, my quirky behavior, my sometimes irrational ideas, but the parts of me that fly free, the independent me. He celebrates me and I have found I can celebrate him as well. We are individuals who come together like a well designed puzzle.

Thanks G-d. I'll continue to try to pay attention to the road signs.

Look Back (For My Father)

I look back
to see if you are still there
You always were.
I look back
to see your silhouette
outlined by a bright summer sun.
I look back
and barely discern your features.
I look back
and remember
your quick smile
your hearty laugh
your strong hand
engulfing mine
keeping me safe.
I look back
and the sun sets
and your silhouette fades
and only the memory flutters

Perhaps

Perhaps it started last summer when my father whom I hadn't seen in about 17 years almost died. After a stay in the hospital my half-sister moved him and eventually her mother into a nursing home. He was over 700 miles away and the only contact I had was the aforementioned half and whatever nurse or aide I could get on the telephone. So I packed my bags and along with my husband we journeyed back up North to the Big Apple. I've never really wanted to go back. There were far too many painful memories there. It was good that I did go. Because I found the good memories hidden just below the surface. Fathers Day and I visited with my Dad, lying in bed, hooked up to oxygen, unable to get up and use the bathroom (he didn't want me to know about the "diapers") He was so far removed from the vital, social man who raised me until he took off with the shrew who inhabited the other bed. In my heart I knew I would never see him alive again.
Flash forward. A bright and sunny end of summer day. I was driving my son and his girlfriend to school because her car broke down. Wham, a redneck in a dual header truck ran a red light and sent us spinning. Hostile, nasty, unwilling to take responsibility for his actions. My sweet red car that I was so proud of (Old but all mine) crippled. We were fine, the other people were fine (except for their attitudes).
Zap on again. Two weeks, three weeks... my son was at work at a local convenience store when they were robbed. Being the hero I have always told him NOT to be, he jumped a counter, wrestled the crack head to the ground and saved the day. What prompted him to ignore Mom's advice? Said thief shoved a woman up against a soda cooler on his way out the door.
Next day. This is hard for me. You may recall my cheerleader at the nail salon blog from way back. Well, it seems she was out offroading with 2 boys when they lost control of their vehicle and plunged 55 feet over a cliff. The boys survived. She died. That poor little 18 year old, so full of life and energy, was gone. Just like that. I became obsessed with it. Of course I knew her mother, but this went beyond that.
The Sat after these adventures my baby girl got married. Beautiful and in super control. No glitches, no hitches.
Move forward 10 days. It's after 11:00 PM when most of us old folks are winding down or winded out. The dreaded middle of the night phone ringing... my father died. Just like that. I had written to him just the weekend before sending him souvenirs of his grand daughters wedding. The day after he got them he just stopped breathing.
I am an orphan. I am 53 years old and my parents are both gone. But they are together somewhere I am sure. And my mother is berating my father for leaving us for another woman and my father is agreeing it wasn't too smart. And the harridan sits in her bed in the nursing home enjoying all the attention she is getting as the bereaved widow. No funeral. Quickie cremation, no service, no obituary, no final farewell. Thanks half sis. But I did get my own (and my parents) back. Local obituary recorded his passing and joining his beloved wife (MY MOTHER) in heaven. I hope they are having wonderful vacations together, seeing mountains, wading in rivers, having breakfasts in little dives in small towns no one ever visits. And I hope he's driving a big old 59 Caddy!

Truth, Judas, and the American Way

"Human fallibility being what it is, victory and truth do not always go together. Therefore, if you have to always win, you can't always be true.- "Rebbe Nachman of Breslov
Recently there has been a big brouhaha about what appears to be an ancient document ascribed to Judas Iscariot and fondly known as the Gospel of Judas. Now basically I don't have a dog in this fight. But in the past week both I and my son have gotten into sometimes heated discussions with others about whether or not this is even important. For me, from an historical viewpoint, it is important. Anything that might give us a clearer picture of where we come from is of value. Was this truly written by Judas? I don't know. But then I don't know who wrote ANY of the scriptures. Certainly I believe the Bible ("Old Testament") are words inspired by G-d. But these stories and words have been passed down orally for thousands of years before being set down. Even then, they were painstakingly copied by others for more generations, in different languages, or dialects of the same language, by people of different educational ability. In the end it is Faith that carries us through.
I do believe there is a good chance this was written by Judas or by someone close enough to know his side of the story. Being a Jew it doesn't really change much of anything for me.
Sometimes it seems we have gotten so far away from G-d in our concern for proving we are right in our beliefs and everyone must accept these beliefs. Part of what I believe is that we owe others the respect of accepting their beliefs, whether they are in agreement with our own or not. How can I say, don't accept Christ when someone else could just as easily say to me don't accept G-d? By the same token I shouldn't be forced to accept or pray to the god of another just because the majority thinks it is the road to follow.
In the end faith and belief is a very personal thing between a person and G-d (or Jesus or Allah) and no person has the right to dictate, persuade, or coerce another into accepting something different. It isn't about proving you are right and someone else is wrong. It is about behaving in a righteous manner and presenting an example for others to model. I don't try to force Judaism down anyone's throat, don't try to force Jesus down mine.
There goes my vent for today.

Daunting Task

I found the task of chronicling our journey to Britain more than I could handle. My time is so limited these days with planning my daughters wedding for 9/9/06, working on my novel, taking care of my grandsons sometimes, and just living. So, I may toss out bits and pieces here and there but I am back to just plain old blogging.
Wisdom for the day:
"Contemplate the wonders of creation, the Divine dimension of their being, not as a dim configuration that is presented to you from a distance, but as the reality in which you live."- Rabbi Abraham Isaac Kook
People often ask why "bad" things happen to them when they are good people or have done no discernible wrong. We have such a small picture of the Infinite. What appears to be a disaster may in fact be a blessing, saving you or someone else from a far greater catastrophe. I met a woman at the nail salon who was an evacuee from Bay St. Louis. She and her husband of many years were in the process of building a home when Katrina hit. They lost everything. Forty years of memories that were being stored, the foundations of a new home, an apartment full of furniture and treasures. They moved here to stay with his parents while they recovered and decided what to do next. A short time after their arrival the husband's father died suddenly leaving the mother alone. At least she would have been alone had they not been there with her. Now I am not saying G-d sent Katrina to move these people into the position of supporting the mother-in-law. But since they are there it follows that perhaps the overall tragedy was softened by the knowledge they could help the parent deal with the grief of her loss. Is the glass half full? Always. Sometimes you just have to slosh the contents around to get the full picture.

Gretna Green

Gretna Green is a small town in the south of Scotland, on the border with England.
Its main claim to fame is the Old Blacksmith's Shop where many runaway marriages were performed. These began in 1753 when an Act of Parliament, Lord Hardwicke's Marriage Act, was passed in England, which stated that if both parties to a marriage were not at least 21 years old, then consent to the marriage had to be given by the parents. This Act did not apply in Scotland where it was possible for boys to get married at 14 and girls at 12 years old with or without parental consent. Since 1929 both parties have had to be at least 16 years old but there is still no consent needed. In England and Wales the ages are now 16 with consent and 18 without.
This led to many elopers fleeing England and making for the first Scottish village they came to — Gretna Green. The blacksmith's shop, built around 1712, became the focal point for the marriage trade. It was opened to the public as a visitor attraction as early as 1887.
We did some shopping here and Neil found some nice single malt which made his day!

On the Road...

The next morning found us up bright and early. After a light breakfast we boarded our tour bus to set off around England. A quick run around London and we off to Stonehenge.
Stonehenge has been something I dreamed of seeing as long as I can remember. As we approached it it seemed smaller than I expected. I thought it was just because I was on the bus. But alas, it is only about 9 or 10 feet tall. However this doesn't detract from the experience of seeing it. First off it is so incredibly old. You can no longer go right up to touch it, thanks to those who left their initials scrawled on it or chipped pieces off for souvenirs. But it is an amazing structure. Standing there on the bare plain it is overwhelming to think of the somewhat primitive people who dragged the stones, figured out how to stand them and make lintels, and used them for whatever mysterious purpose they chose. We all know the ancient calendar, astronomical, and nature worshipping theories so I won't dwell on them. Just know it is something to see.
We then visited Salisbury Cathedral. It was magnificent! Pretty much started as a Norman Cathedral in 1075, it wasn't actually dedicated until 1258. It's been added to and repaired so many times. What a beautiful building. Then we were off to Bath. I am not a great fan of Georgian acrhitecture but they also had a beautiful cathedral. At Chester we stopped for shopping at one of the places I was most eager to see. "The Rows" are essentially a Tudor shopping mall. The layout of the Rows go back to the 13th century. There were shops or warehouses at street level, with a long gallery above, reached by steps from the street level. Living quarters are on the gallery level. In the Middle Ages this would have been a hall, open to the roof and heated by a central hearth. The private rooms, or solar, were above the gallery.
In the Tudor and Jacobean period the upper floors were built out over the gallery, supported on long poles down to the street level. Shops at ground level used the space between the posts to display their goods to passers-by.
We finally ended up in Bristol for the night where Josh found an amusement park of sorts and went bumper car racing with a fellow traveler. Exhausted already and still days to go. But what a fantastic experience so far...

Photo On Line

My contest entry photo can be viewed here:

http://picture.com/display.asp?ID=1729968

London

We woke up bright and early the next morning and after a hearty breakfast headed off on the tour bus to see London. Touring with a group can be fun but it also tends to be a little rushed. We did get to get off the bus and see things. The most amazing thing to me were the tiny cars speeding on the wrong side of the street. (I mean SPEEDING). Now I grew up in a big city so I know what traffic is like. This was wild! However because London seems to run in circles they have instructions painted on the street to indicate which way to look for oncoming traffic. I thought that was pretty impressive.
We stopped at Westminster Cathedral which is magnificent. Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament rose in the background. All I kept thinking was "I'm really here!" I'd wanted to visit London since I was about 11 or 12 so this really was a dream come true. It was freezing cold and we stopped for a hot chocolate from a street vendor.
We had a big lunch at a pub called The Bag O Nails. It was real English food. Josh had traditional Fish and chips and Neil and I had some kind of steak pie. Talk about stick to your ribs food! We shared Winter Punch and Josh was still amazed that he could have alcohol there.
Then it was off to the Tower of London. The Tower is actually many towers. The Crown Jewels are there. There are guard houses and towers. Characters in costume wander about, King Edward and his entourage passed us on the road. Of course we had to see Torture Tower being the freaks we are. Sir Walter Raleigh was kept in a room there for about 12 years. Now his room was quite comfy looking although I imagine it got pretty cold in those days. We saw the site of the gallows which is also where Anne Boleyn was beheaded. (I have always had a soft spot for this second wife of Henry VIII and mother of Elizabeth I)
After viewing Tower Bridge we hopped back on the Tube and headed back to our hotel. I honestly can't remember where or if we had dinner. We hit some more shops and I am positive Neil and Josh ate something but I had finally begun to come down.
The next morning we would begin our adventure through England up into Scotland and Wales. Would we survive?
Stay tuned!

The UK Experience

Where to begin ... Day 1 I guess...
We left Knoxville and flew to Charlotte, NC. It was Josh's first flight and a short one before his MAJOR introduction to the wonderful world of air transportation. We had a bit of a layover in Charlotte, about 2 hours or so. It was a good thing because we had a LONG flight ahead of us.
We all bore the in-flight movies (Wedding Crashers sucked, can't remember the others off hand) and the food was the usual mediocre airline food. Josh seemed to have fun. Neil slept. I was wired and would remained so for about 24 hours.
Arriving in London was amazing. Customs was quick and painless. The train ride from Gatwick to our coach was wonderful. It was still daylight. A bit of snow fell as we sped through the outskirts of the city. We were met at Victoria Station by our hotel link. Then off to the Victoria Park Plaza. Mercifully they let us check in early. Small room but with a view of the city. Double decker buses, cars on the wrong side of the street speeding everywhere. Neil settled in for a nap but Josh and I set out to explore. Checked out a couple of local shops and a grocery store. Very different but somehow the same. Lots of Indians in the city (not Native Americans but India Indians.) Then back to the hotel where Josh zonked out for a nap. I was still wired so I checked out all the brochures, tv channels, anything to help me wind down.
When the guys woke up it was out to explore. We walked to Victoria Station, along streets with huge stores much like NY. Checked out a few food places while deciding where to chow down. Finally settled on a small restaurant called the Scotch Steak House. Not bad but VERY expensive. We soon learned EVERYTHING in the UK is VERY expensive. Food was okay and our waiter was a hoot.
Then back to the hotel to bundle up for our Jack the Ripper Tour. Neil wanted to take a cab but I had already figured out how to get there on the Tube so off we went. How cool. Clean and efficient. "Mind the Gap" became part of our vocabulary.
We arrived at Aldgate East Station to meet up with our Tour. A great tour guide (a lady) who took us along old streets filled with Victorian buildings and modern buildings. Step by step we followed the Rippers path. For a Ripper fan (if you can call it that) it was a dream come true. Photos taken and viewed that evening seemed to show ghostly apparitions. We still don't know...
After a good two hours or so it was back to our hotel for a good nights rest before embarking on our next day's adventure touring London. Neil and I rested while Josh explored the area, finding an Internet Cafe where he could touch base with his friends back home. Then Neil and Josh headed to the bar while I FINALLY began to wind down. British TV sucks. The guys returned with amusing stories of characters met at the bar. I was glad to have missed it. Next chapter - our tour of London, visit to The Tower and more...

Judge Rules Against ‘Intelligent Design’

"Intelligent design" is "a religious alternative masquerading as a scientific theory" and cannot be mentioned in biology classes in a Pennsylvania public school district, a federal judge said Tuesday, ruling in one of the biggest courtroom clashes on evolution since the 1925 Scopes trial.
The case is among at least a handful that have focused new attention on the teaching of evolution in the nation’s schools.
Earlier this month, a federal appeals court in Georgia heard arguments over whether evolution disclaimer stickers placed in a school system’s biology textbooks were unconstitutional. A federal judge in January ordered Cobb County school officials to immediately remove the stickers, which called evolution a theory, not a fact.
In November, state education officials in Kansas adopted new classroom science standards that call the theory of evolution into question.
© 2005 The Associated Press.


What do YOU think? Why?

OH MY GOD!!

I just looked at my desk calendar and realized in less than 3 weeks I will be leaving for England and Scotland! Last night our travel wallets and stuff came from the tour company. Josh was so excited he ran upstairs to show his friends. It makes me a little breathless to think that we are so close to going. He's excited. I am excited. I think even Neil is excited, although for him it may just be seeing us all worked up.
I have already schedueled our Jack the Ripper walk. And on New Years Eve we are going to a giant street party to celebrate Hogmanay which is Scots New Years.
I am so excited!

Thoughts

My car was covered in frost this morning. The bright red paint dusted with a crystal coating making it look like a chariot instead of an old 95 Corsica. The grass beneath my feet crackled indignantly as I made my way across the lawn, past the silent lighted deer that foretell the coming of Christmas. With each breath my lungs were filled with crisp frosty air that made them stop for a moment, shocked by the sudden onslaught of iciness. The morning was incredibly still, very little traffic moved down my normally busy street. I imagined my neighbors still tucked in their warm beds, heads hidden beneath pillows. Dawn was just touching the sky, a dull pink hue that ran into purples and grays.
The earth is sleeping. Like my neighbors, it is tucked safely beneath layers of fallen leaves and crunchy soil, its head hidden beneath a mantle of frost. Sleep well. You need a break. It's been a rough year. Hurricanes, tidal waves, earthquakes... And I thought I had it tough!

Something's Coming Up

With my vacation fast approaching, excitement building, I wanted to take a few minutes to reflect. This will not only be my first trip abroad but also my son's. My husband has been to England before (among other places). It's been a long time since we've shared the wonder of new experiences. He is 18 now and most of his new experiences involve his friends. It will be interesting to see how we relate with 10 days of one another's company. (Thank heavens my husband will be there to run interference if needed!)
Last weekend my older son turned 29. Twenty-nine! I look at him and still see the little boy. Of course he looks pretty much the same. He has grown into a fine young man (that sounds so pompous, but it's true).
I am amazed and grateful for all the good things G-d has brought into my life. I honestly do feel G-d's hand on me.
Several years ago I was going nowhere. I was struggling to make ends meet, suffering with illness, depressed by my inability to find peace. Then one day I simply turned my life over to G-d. I mean I really just said, tell me where I need to go and what I need to do. Since that day my life has been filled with blessings beyond belief. I'm not just talking about material things, but the peace of knowing I am doing something worthwhile, the health of my loved ones, the richness of life itself.
G-d is amazing!

My Grandfather's Hands

I remember my grandfather’s hands. Even now I can see them, large and rough hewn. Scars and calluses from years of hard labor. I remember how small my hand felt in his when we would walk in the meadow. He particularly liked the early evening when the shadows began to lengthen and the stars began to wink hello to evening. We would stop at the rise of the hill just as the sun dipped below the horizon and he would sigh. His beard, gray for as long as I knew him, would lift slightly in the breeze. “Listen,” he would speak softly. “God is saying good night to all His children.”
My grandfather’s hands were the hands of a carpenter, a man who toiled daily to create something out of a piece of wood. It always amazed me to see those huge fingers move nimbly. My grandfather’s hands made me feel safe.
At night we would sit and he would tell me stories of long ago, faraway places. I touched the deep scars on his palms and asked him how they got there. He would shake his head and say it was a long time ago in another life. Sometimes he would tell me they came because people didn’t understand. I didn’t understand THAT.
I remember my grandfather’s hands and I should have realized then what I know now. The secret was there all the time.

Joy, Joy, Happy, Happy

I made the final arrangements for our trip to England and Scotland today. Josh's passport is in the mail according to the website, the last payment has been made, and I booked our Jack the Ripper tour. I am floating on air.
This promises to be a great experience for the three of us. An adventure to be remembered. eeek.
Okay, maybe I am overreacting. That's pretty common for me.
I have been thinking about my life and how I have gotten to this point. I realize I wouldn't change one minute of my life, the good choices and the bad, the happy days and the sad, the ups or downs. Every moment and every breath has brought me where I am and I like this place. I thank G-d every day for the miracles given to me, the blessings bestowed and I only hope I have given something back.

100 Years
I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose15…there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live…
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15… I'm all right with you
15… there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live…
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye 67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15… there's still time for you
22… I feel her too
33… you’re on your way
Every Day's a new Day
15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15… there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

It's A Winner

Last weekend I took my husband to Hot Springs, NC to celebrate his 47th birthday. We stayed at a romantic cabin on a farm, enjoyed the bubbling mineral springs and I took lots of pictures. On impulse I submitted this photo to a contest/publication. Just learned it will be published in Photography Vibes a publication of the Circle of Photography. Whee! This is the second time I have had one of my photos recognized. Several years ago I won Honorable Mention in a local contest. What a neat way to remember a very special and very romantic weekend!

Sunrise

Broadwing Farm
Hot Springs, NC
10/30/05

And the Snow Fell...

It was cold. The snow fell for days and coated the world with frozen silence. We played in the snow and flakes clung to your beard, tantalizing, tempting drops inviting a kiss.
The glare of the noonday sun on the snow blinded me to your faults. In the still evenings we would snuggle on the couch under piles of blankets, nursing cups of steaming cocoa and you told me of dreams that remain fantasies.
I believed I loved you. Maybe I did. I hoped you loved me. Maybe you did.
Our breath would make white balloons in the crisp winter air and carry our words away to the gods. Did they laugh at our youth? Did they know our destiny?
We cooked out in the yard, snow crunching beneath our shoes as the grill crackled and the flames danced. I poured a libation of grape juice to gods we didn't believe in and we laughed at our poverty.
Winter is coming again, her arms open in a welcoming embrace of forgetfulness. Where are you now? Do you still like chocolate and sweet hot tea? I can smell the cigar smoke and remember the smoke curling around your head like a misty crown. What kingdom do you rule now and is your touch still gentle?

An Interesting Experience

I had an interesting experience recently and I have been mulling it over, trying to put it in perspective. My husband is a musician and he and a "buddy" have formed a duo. They are working up toward playing some gigs locally and were asked to perform at a Fall Festival at a local church. (Pay was a pumpkin but that isn't the point.) Readers of my blog have by now learned I was raised Roman Catholic, dabbled very lightly in Buddhism, was a practicing Episcopalian, and as my former pastor and friend says, returned to my Jewish roots. I have met some incredible people of all faiths and I have met some fools. Anyway, I digress.
The lady in charge of the event and her husband are active members of their church. The husband has a disability (visually impaired but not blind). I mention this because it does have some bearing on the tale. When we first arrived and the guys were setting up I could see this was not going to be a super successful event. The "husband" came up to me and said, "I am recruiting all the ladies with big boobs to go to the road and flash cars so we can get more people in." Mind you this is only the second time I've been around the man. We are not old friends. I sort of brushed off as a tasteless comment. But it made me uncomfortable enough that I mentioned it to my husband in the man's presence so there should be no misunderstanding. (My husband is very mellow and apparently proud of my endowments. I think he exaggerates) This guy also had a fifth of whiskey which he shared with a couple of people. My problem? This event was geared toward families and there were children around. Seems to me that a church event, sponsored by the church youth ought to be handled with a bit more discretion.
Which brings me to the nagging thought on my mind. I have encountered some people recently who claim to be "Christians" but whose behavior is not in line with what I was taught Christ preached. Now it may seem bold of me to say that, having converted and all, but I don't reject Jesus teachings, just his divinity. (That's an entirely different matter so let's not go there.) Granted this man did share his booze. But what about people who constantly find fault with others, whose envy makes them vengeful? What about the professed Christians who cheat (just a little), lie (only little white ones), and sit in judgment on their fellows?
I am having a hard time with Bible thumpers who can quote Scripture and bend it to fit their actions. How can we judge another person's worthiness in G-d's eyes??? We can judge their behaviors but we can't know what G-d thinks. Yes, we have Commandments to follow (a lot more than 10) but paramount are worshipping the one true G-d and loving our neighbors.
Sorry guys. I had to vent. Comment if you like. I am not in an argumentative mood. Just very sad.

Revenant

"I saw you today in the crowds that poured forth from tall concrete buildings, their thoughts on seeing and being seen at local watering holes. I saw you today and your face was half turned from me, the autumn sun falling across your profile,casting shadows on cheekbones I remember so well. I saw you today, hair lifting lightly in the breeze, hand slightly raised to brush it back into place. I saw you today, uncertain smile on your full lips, glistening and parted. I could taste those lips, smell that sweet breath that blew warm and moist across my own. I saw you today. Risen from the grave of my memory and walking through downtown crowds, confidently shy. How is it possible that I saw you today when you are hundreds of miles away in body and galaxies away in spirit?"

Here Without You
(Music by Arnold, Roberts & Harrell)
A hundred days have made me older

Since the last time that I saw your pretty face

A thousand lies have made me colder

And I don't think I can look at this the same
All the miles that separate

Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face

I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight, there's only you and me.
The miles just keep rollin'

As the people leave their way to say hello

I've heard this life is overrated

But I hope that it gets better as we go.
I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl, there's only you and me.
Everything I know, and anywhere I go

It gets hard but it won't take away my love

And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.

It gets hard but it won't take away my love
I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl, there's only you and me

When I'm Gone

(Music by Arnold, Roberts & Harrell)
There's another world inside of me that you may never see.
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide.
Somewhere in this darkness there's a life that I can't find.
Maybe it's too far away or maybe I'm just blind, maybe I'm just blind.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything if only for your good.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
You can hold me when I'm scared but you won't always be there,
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone
When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin.
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends.
Now roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone.
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.
Everything I am and everything in me.
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be,
I'll never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything if only for your good.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there,
So love me when I'm gone.
(Maybe I'm just blind)
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.
Everything I am and everything in me,Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything if only for your good.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there.
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone.

"Behold, the young woman is with child and will bear a son and she will call his name Emmanuel."

Like A Fine Wine

"His hair blew back from the high forehead, the brow furrowed as the grit of the city stung his eyes. There were no answers there, only more questions. She was a mystery, a lady in gray who moved in and out of his life with the subtlety of a song. The half-remembered lyrics of her hymn hanging in his mind and tugging at the corners, eager to draw him back in.
She was a Madonna in high heels and silk skin, an angel who tempted him, the curve of her smiling lips a promise of things to come. But the small sips of fine wine led only to a drunkenness that left him staggering blindly, always reaching to touch the strands of her hair, only to have it all slip away on the mist."
And you thought I couldn't see your side.

Why?

I wonder why it is so necessary for some people to have the world agree with them. Are they so insecure in their own beliefs that it is only through persuading others that they feel validated? This seems particularly true of people with imagined authority. Perhaps they realize their authority is tenuous and struggle to convince themselves that they are somehow "in charge". There's something strangely sad about watching someone who thinks they are "the boss" work to maintain eye contact, speak loudly to impart control, and hunt for the right words to say to get attention. So sad.
Who cares what you say if your words are nothing more than self-aggrandizing dialogues with yourself? A meager attempt to prove you have control of the situation. The kinder part of me lets them go on, because it really doesn't matter if they believe they have control. It costs me nothing as long as their actions do no harm to myself or others. Carry on. But the naughty side of me toys with the notion of pushing the flimsy pedestal over and watching them cartwheel as they fall flat on their faces. Still there is no gain there. I need to just behave in what I believe is the "right" way and hope they find their "right" way.

Insignificance

"The air was crisp with the hint of autumn dancing at the edges of the night. There was the promise of golden red leaves and ripe apples in the breeze that lifted his hair and blew it back from his forehead. His hand grasped my elbow, his voice a deep timber that flowed with the mood of the evening, seductive and non-threatening. But beneath the surface was the whisper of something slightly dangerous, like the slow ascent of a roller coaster before it reaches its zenith. He captured that split second when you look down into the abyss and your breath holds for a moment before escaping in a long thrill filled scream. Orgasmic and death like. La petit morte the French call it. I read that in a dreadful sixties romance novel my mother kept hidden on a shelf in the closet.
I remember only snippets of our conversation, scenes set in tableau that seemed to hang forever in my memory like old sepia toned photographs in a yard sale photo album. I was detached and involved simultaneously. Drawn to the flame of his strangeness; unfamiliar territory I really did not want to investigate but knew I would. Like an explorer on a journey to a land I both feared and was tempted by.
The evening dragged as it sped by. I remember leaving the play early though I did not want to. I remember the long walk I did not want to take. I couldn’t refuse although there was no pressure on his part to follow down that yellow brick road.
And in the end I suppose it was my own indifference that trapped me. I had never chosen the road yet I traveled it with an urgency that left me breathless."

Remembering the Tears

I will leave behind all of my clothes
I wore when I was with you
All I need's my railroad boots
And my leather jacket
As I say goodbye to Ruby's arms
Although my heart is breaking

I will steal away out through your blinds
Soon you will be waking
The morning light has washed your face
And everything is turning blue now

Hold on to your pillow case
There's nothing I can do now
As I say goodbye to Ruby's arms
You'll find another soldier
And I swear to God by Christmas time
There'll be someone new to hold you

The only thing I'm taking is
The scarf off of your clothesline
I'll hurry past your chest of drawers
And your broken wind chimes
As I say goodbye
I say goodbye
Say goodbye
To Ruby's arms

I'll feel my way down the darkened hall
And out into the morning
The hobos at the freightyards
Have kept their fires burning
And I said Jesus Christ
This goddamn rain
Will someone put me on a train
I'll never kiss your lips again
Or break your heart

As I say goodbye
I say goodbye
Say goodbye
To Ruby's arms


And it still makes me cry... "I watch you fade down the hall, your face in shadow, my heart in my hand..."
Is it 19 years since Insignificance? Clear as bell I smell the autumn city air, the crispness of late September, the noisy streets, the touch of your hand and the moment passed. Those bright fall mornings when winter whispered around the corner and I never knew the beginning and end were entwined like lovers in an eternal embrace.
Now when I am at my happiest and peace is finally resting on my breast like a fulfilled child I am drawn to those memories, an unwilling captive of my own past.
I want to apologize for the angry words, the lost time you were so concerned with ... but you are lost like time now and the words hang in the air, a bitter reminder of opportunities missed.

Where Are You Now?

Diamonds and Rust

(lyrics by Joan Baez)

Well I'll be damned
Here comes your ghost again
But that's not unusual
It's just that the moon is full
And you happened to call
And here I sit
Hand on the telephone
Hearing a voice I'd known
A couple of light years ago
Heading straight for a fall
As I remember your eyes
Were bluer than robin's eggs
My poetry was lousy you said
Where are you calling from?
A booth in the midwest
Ten years ago
I bought you some cufflinks
You brought me something
We both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Well you burst on the scene
Already a legend
The unwashed phenomenon
The original vagabond
You strayed into my arms
And there you stayed
Temporarily lost at sea
The Madonna was yours for free
Yes the girl on the half-shell
Would keep you unharmed
Now I see you standing
With brown leaves falling around
And snow in your hair
Now you're smiling out the window
Of that crummy hotel
Over Washington Square
Our breath comes out white clouds
Mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me
We both could have died then and there
Now you're telling me
You're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You who are so good with words
And at keeping things vague
Because I need some of that vagueness now
It's all come back too clearly
Yes I loved you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust
I've already paid



And I see you in his eyes and remember...

Eating the Worm

Going through life never taking chances is not really living at all. Sometimes you can't just drink the tequila, sometimes you have to eat the worm. Sometimes you have to live a little dangerously and take a big old bite out of your dreams, taste the sweet and the bitter.
Sometimes you just have to do it. It would be awful to look back when you are old and think "I should have..."

Happy Birthday Josh

Josh and Emily

Behind Blue Eyes
The Who

No one knows what it's like

To be the bad man

To be the sad man

Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like

To be hated

To be fatedTo telling only lies
But my dreams

They aren't as empty

As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely

My love is vengeance

That's never free
No one knows what it's like

To feel these feelings

Like I do

And I blame you
No one bites back as hard

On their anger

None of my pain and woe

Can show through
But my dreams

They aren't as empty

As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely

My love is vengeance

That's never free
When my fist clenches, crack it open

Before I use it and lose my cool

When I smile, tell me some bad news

Before I laugh and act like a fool
If I swallow anything evil

Put your finger down my throat

If I shiver, please give me a blanket

Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
No one knows what it's like

To be the bad manT

o be the sad man

Behind blue eyes

The Cat Lady

When I was little I was always bringing home stray kittens. I couldn't pass one by without picking it up and sneaking it into my house. I was a "latch key kid" before the term even existed. So it was pretty easy to get the little rascals into the house, pretty hard to hide them, and really tough to feed them and supply adequate toileting opportunities. Back in those days cats came and went through open windows, exploring the neighborhood and having cat adventures, returning at meal times or if the weather was unpleasant. Even in a big city like NY it was common for cat owners to permit their felines this freedom. After all they were cats, and where did the expression catting around originate??
One fine summer morning I was laying around, book in one hand and cat (Whiskers) tucked comfortably against my body when a soft knock came at my front door. My mother was in the midst of mopping the kitchen floor and asked me to answer.
I opened the door to find an elegant if elderly woman on our doorstep. She was dressed in what would have been fashionable in the 1930's which was cool with me. If it was unusual I liked it even back then.
"Good afternoon. I'm Betty Wright." With that she extended her hand to shake mine.
Now I was decked out in my finest worn shorts and tee shirt, hair unbrushed and looking what could be called rough.
She lived across the street and had a couple of cats of her own. Well apparently Whiskers was an amorous fellow who liked to sit on her window sill and bang against her screen in an effort to pay special attention to her lady kitty. She wasn't angry, she wasn't complaining, she was concerned about Whiskers. Miss Wright belonged to an organization called Friends of Animals which would spay and neuter animals at no cost to owners. Now back in the day that wasn't the big deal it has since become (and rightfully so!) My mother sensing this would be the neighborly thing to do agreed to allow Miss Wright to take Whiskers and put an end to his carousing. A few days later she packed him into her cat carrier (a novelty I had seen in the movies but never in real life) and took him off to be "fixed". She returned him the next day, seemingly none the worse for his experience. (I was young enough not to appreciate the indignity of what he went through.)
I became friends with Miss Wright (the neighborhood "Cat Lady"). I would visit her often, and spent hours sitting with her kitties on my lap, sipping tea from cups with saucers, eating dainty little cookies, looking through old photo albums, and listening to music. Miss Wright had been a stage performer (singer and actress) in her youth. There was still evidence of her former beauty and in fact for a woman easily in her 70's she was remarkable looking. We would sing together, old songs, not the rock and roll I listened to with my friends. She encouraged me to sing, to express myself, to listen to music and read books.
As with all teens I grew away from our visits. I spent more time with friends my own age. I would see Miss Wright and she would always inquire after Whiskers and my mother (in that order) but at some point in time I stopped seeing her with her hat cocked at a jaunty angle as she pulled her shopping cart home. Back then I didn't exactly notice. What happened to her? What happened to the cats she loved so much? I am so ashamed I didn't pay attention.
Whiskers continued his moonlight wanderings and one day he just didn't come home. He was pretty old, about 10 I guess. Not bad for an alley cat. But thinking about him now I feel like crying. How sad I didn't learn to be responsible when I was younger.

Long Ago

Many years ago when I was in college in Brooklyn I was hurrying for the subway one cold winter afternoon. My mind was already working on the paper I had due. A young woman with a very small little girl at her side stepped up to me and asked softly if I could spare some change. I stopped an looked at her face, a face filled with questions, fears, what??? I had four kids at home, one just an infant. Was this a scam? I asked if she needed carfare and she said no they were hungry. She only wanted enough to buy something for her daughter from one of the near by fast food restaurants. Unthinking I said, "Come on." I took them to Arby's and told her to order whatever she wanted. She ordered only for the child and although I insisted, would not get anything for herself. We sat and talked and she told me she had left an abusive situation and was currently living in a shelter. They had to get out for part of the day so she and her daughter who was a little over 2 would just walk around. As I left them I pressed a ten into her hand, my lunch money for the rest of the week. What happened to them? I still wonder if they found a place. The girl would be in her 20's now. Is she happy? Are she and her mom still together? Did she go to school? Does she still like chocolate shakes and apple pie?

Just 18

What a couple of months! My baby will turn 18 on Saturday. Just writing it brings a lump to my throat. Time flys by on wings of light. I remember sitting at the window with him one early spring morning when the sky was a crisp blue and the clouds were like fat white teddy bears. I whispered in his ear, "This is a moment. Hold onto it in your mind forever." I remember when he started kindergarten and he was so sad to levae me all day. I breathed into his tiny fist and said, "I am here with you. Just open your hand and I fly out to say hello." I remember laying in bed as he learned to read, night after night Dr. Seuss slept beneath my pillow where he would be stuck before I moved the sleeping child to his own bed.
I think today I will look at the clouds, take a deep breath and tuck Go Dog Go under my pillow.

Roach and Neo Caught in the Act

They said it isn't what it appears. But here is the evidence! And to think he is her grandfather!

My Baby Girl

My baby girl got engaged last night. My baby girl is 24 years old (will be 25 in Nov). She's been dating this boy for 8 years. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. After all they have been living together for years, they bought a home together, they are getting ready to take a big vacation together. But, my BABY GIRL is engaged.
I am happy for her, for both of them. But this has tickled my nostalgia bone and I remember things from long ago. The moment she was born, the time she slept in a suitcase, the time I took her into NYC to see the Christmas decorations. The first time she performed with NY Kids on Stage. The first time she performed at the Bijou. When she had chicken pox. When she had to get stitches. My baby girl is engaged. Where did the time go???

Racism

As a "Yankee" who has relocated to the South I am amazed at the diversity of opinion I encounter on racism. In my job I daily deal with TANF recipients (which I was myself not too long ago). The stereotypes of our youth are still alive and well, but in my daily experience those stereotypes are from from reality. My caseload alone presents a wide spectrum of races, genders, educational levels, work experience. Yet the view of the poor black woman, who doesn't want to work, has little or no education, and five kids with different fathers persists. That is so far from the truth. I have assisted women with college degrees, one child, coming out of lengthy marriages, men trying to put their families lives together after catastrophic job loss, and a plethora of other situations. In this generation I would hope we, as a society, would have grown past the "stereotypes". Will we ever view individuals as just that, unique people, with their own set of problems and situations?
Oddly enough I have experienced racism myself. I am a middle aged white woman with four children (all grown now) who has had to rely on "the system" while I struggled to raise my family with no assistance or support from my former spouse. When I talk about having received food stamps, or lived in public housing, my history os greeted with disbelief. "But you're white!" Or "But you're educated!" But I am human just like everyone else. Anyone can fall on hard times, or make mistakes that put them in uncomfortable positions. I work with single mothers, black and white, educated and not so educated, who have struggled and succeeded to make good lives for their families. In the end it's all about attitude and determination, and the Grace of G-d.
I thank G-d every day for putting me where I am so I can in some way return the blessings I have received. It's what I love about my job. Never forget where you came from, never think you can't fall, never judge another person. You haven't lived their lives.

Peanut Butter

You know when you can't open the peanut butter, and you hit it with the knife, and it dents the top , but it still won't open. There is always someone watching who waits. Because they KNOW when you give up they will be able to open it because YOU have loosened it. They do it with such glee. Why is that?

Tzedaka

I have pondered the question of leaving my job. I have prayed. Below are the answers I received. What is more important? My comfort? Helping someone less fortunate? Yes there are others who can do this job as well or better. But I think of Hillel.
"If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am I? And if not now, when?"


Maimonides defines eight levels in giving charity (tzedakah). Each one is higher than the other. On an ascending level, they are as follows:
8. When donations are given grudgingly.
7. When one gives less than he should, but does so cheerfully.
6. When one gives directly to the poor upon being asked.
5. When one gives directly to the poor without being asked.
4. Donations when the recipient is aware of the donor's identity, but the donor still doesn't know the specific identity of the recipient.
3. Donations when the donor is aware to whom the charity is being given, but the recipient is unaware of the source.
2. Giving assistance in such a way that the giver and recipient are unknown to each other. Communal funds, administered by responsible people are also in this category.
1. The highest form of charity is to help sustain a person before they become impoverished by offering a substantial gift in a dignified manner, or by extending a suitable loan, or by helping them find employment or establish themselves in business so as to make it unnecessary for them to become dependent on others.
Thus it is written: "And you strengthened the stranger who lives with you." i.e. Strengthen him so he won't fall and need your help.

Female Heroes - Sheroes??

Survey - Female Heroes


There's been a lot of talk this past years about John Glenn being an "American Hero. "But what about women like Jerrie Cobb who have the right stuff but are not exhalted to the same level as male heroes? In honor of Cobb and the other women who lead the way, here's your opportunity to tell us about the sheroes you admire most.
1. What do you think makes someone a shero?
2. What woman in your own life is your shero? Why?
3. When you were growing up what female role model most influenced you? Why?
4. What woman in history is your shero? Why?
5. What current woman in public life is a true shero? Why?
6. Are you a shero and why? (Be honest!)

DESIDERATA

Written by

Max Ehrmann in the 1920s

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Searching

Well it has come to the point where I may have to decide between my job and my health (and my marriage??) I love what I do. I truly do. It is a worthwhile job, in fact it is incredibly rewarding. But over the past week things have gone so sour "politically" that I have ended up in the ER, my doctor has scolded me, my husband has told me to quit immediately, and I feel so torn I want to cry. Is a job worth your life? I have never thought so. A wonderful opportunity for something better is right there waiting, but it is so unlike my current position that even though it pays substantially more, is a high supervisory position, it is NOT giving anything back. For me it has always been about giving back.
I don't think I am looking for advice. I am looking into myself, trying to find some way to put things in perspective, keep a level head, and not get "ghetto" about the whole situation. I was blindsided by this and now I am so shocked at how behaviors can change at the drop of a hat. I have come to the conclusion that people don't really want to hear the TRUTH, they want to hear their truth and what makes them comfortable. So my opinions are my own.
From co-workers who talk to me on a regular basis, it appears as though there may be a mass exodus. I can't believe it! I have listened to grumblings for months, but suddenly it's this huge explosion of whispers. I keep saying, I am not the person to talk to. Talk to the BOSS! But I understand how they feel. Who do I talk to? My family who thinks I need to find something else? My Rabbi who somewhat agrees with my family, but is a little more understanding of my position. My friends away from work who are eager to get me jobs where they work?
As one person recommended, I just pray and wait for an answer.

Dieting is Hard 

On Friendship...

Are your friends only your friends when you agree with them? Do they only want you to regurgitate what they say, like some inept school teacher who doesn't care if you understand, just agree? Why are some people so stubborn that they believe their way is the only way, what they feel is the only thing of importance, and what any other person thinks is okay as long as it stands in agreement with what THEY think. Ay.
And then the obsessives ... oh yes they are wonderful indeed. The few who see only the negative, the cloud, the darkness. "Everyone is out to get me so I am going to get them first!!" How egotistical to think it is all about yourself.
I am tired, and I am sick, and I think I have had enough emotional debris laid at my door for this week thank you very much.
Excuse me while I pray ... for the friends who aren't really friends, the negative thinking obsessives, and of course the egotists with their fragile psyches. And I think a little prayer for myself, for patience, for understanding, for forgiveness. For the wisdom to see the open door and the courage to go through it.

Power and Corruption

I have seen so many people come to positions of power with the best intentions, the desire to make positive changes in a world fraught with negative occurrences. Somewhere along the way, they become enamored of their own power, of the titles bestowed on them, and they forget the goal. I don't believe they make conscious choices to walk away from their altruistic dreams. It seems more like a drawing toward some kind of undefined glory. Captivated by their seeming omnipotence, they attempt to maneuver the world (and people) to fit their design. Rather like Dr Frankenstein they struggle to create "Life" or a form of Life that meshes with their own ideals.
Is this the ongoing struggle between Man and G-d? Is Man's desire to equal G-d what keeps us from uniting with G-d?
Bereshit 3
"4 And the serpent said unto the woman: 'Ye shall not surely die;
5 for G-d doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as G-d, knowing good and evil.'"

Faith

I have been reading The Tanakh and various versions of the Christian Old Testament. So much of what we believe is based on Faith. Our Faith causes us to interpret G-d's Holy Word. I wonder why people who hold specific beliefs, based on their own faith, insist on trying to persuade others they are right, their way is the only way. Is it truly the desire to help or is it ego? Is it the desire to bend another person to their will or to improve another's life? Is it out of love or is it control?
Some people DO seem to want to "save" others, to guide them to what they believe is the right path. Their Faith is firm and they believe sharing their experiences, their beliefs, is a mitzvah, or a good deed/blessing. That led me to think about my Faith. I am happy to share my beliefs and discuss them. Do I want others to believe what I believe? I want to share the blessings I have gotten from G_d, the wonders that G_d had shown me, but do they need to believe as I believe? I don't know that that is something I am concerned with. Love G_d and love your neighbor, all the rest will follow.

Sh'ma Yisrael Adonai Elohaynu Adonai Echad.

I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments. (Ex.20:5-6, Deut.5:8-9).
It's scary!... and the truth!... that's what God Himself says: I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God.

Jesus and the "Ten Commandments"
Jesus Christ stated the original Ten could be boiled down to two: - Love God with all your heart, the first stone tablet - and love your neighbor as yourself, the second stone tablet (Mr.12:28-31):
28One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"

29"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is ONE.

30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' 31The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (Mr.12:28-31).
It should be noticed that Jesus mentioned the First Commandment, not from the Decalogue, but from the "Shema", which means "Hear": 4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. (Deut.6:4-5).

17 Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfil them. 18 I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19 Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practises and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven Matthew 5:17-19.

What did Jesus mean by this? Obviously as a good Jew in a time when the Temple had become corrupt, Jesus sought to reestablish Judaism by reinforcing the laws given us by G-d. How can the Shema be reconciled with the Christian Trinity? And what about the Law?

It was only during my conversion to Judaism that I began to see Jesus more clearly. I seem to be thinking about all these biblical references a lot lately as I try to live my life according to G_d's law. Truly I believe we are here to praise G_d our Father and Creator but also to follow his law to love one another. Every day I hear or see evidence of one person treating another shamefully, speaking about someone unkindly, and I have my guilty moments as well. I am trying to do better. It's so easy to follow the Shema, and so much more difficult to "love your neighbor".
On a daily scale it isn't so hard. But to truly respect and love your neighbor on a world-wide level. Whew! What a challenge!

Motivations

I have no particular taste for post-mortem immortality. I am immortal now, while I am gloriously alive.- Rabbi Joel Blau, "My Uncertain God," 1924
I have been thinking a lot about "good deeds" and why people do them. What motivates a person to pull over and assist a stranded driver? Why do we hand a stranger a dollar to get something to eat? What is our conscious motivation for random acts of kindness? I imagine some people think about an eternal reward. I imagine some think of the need and feel sympathy. Some perhaps think, there but for the grace of G_d go I. Is it instinct, do you act before you even think? Does it relate back to some incident in your past where you received help, or maybe didn't receive help? Do you think, G_d will surely reward me for this? Or maybe, if I don't do this I am never going to see the other side of the gates of heaven?
I'm curious. Is about you? Is about "them"? Is it about G_d? Is it about doing the right thing?

Losing Myself

I woke up this morning and prayed very hard. I am afraid I am becoming jaded and losing my compassion. It isn't just my job, even my personal life seems to be affected. I have caught myself not just thinking unkind things, but saying them.
It seems as I get older I regress to that opinonated, pretentious kid I was in my teens. Is this another symptom of old age? I have to laugh at the old adage -not getting older but growing wiser. I am afraid in my case it may not be so.I feel as though I have taken a giant step back and I don't like the me I am seeing. So I have decided to begin to examine myself more carefully, think VERY hard before I speak, see both sides of a situation, and pray a whole lot!
Of courde now I have also developed "the guilts".Have I hurt or offended anyone? God that is an awful thought! I've been tougher on my customers. Maybe it is necessary but I worry I will seem unfeeling when I really do feel for most of them. Ahhh the dilemmas of life... Of course all this tough love makes me look at my kids and wonder if maybe love wasn't tough enough or too tough? I could go crazier trying to figure this out.

How Interesting... How Wonderful

It's amazing how I can be in the midst of an awful week and something so wonderful and impressive can happen that I am stopped short.
In a week where madness seemed to reign supreme, a glimmer of sunlight came from an unexpected source.
I had criticized someone (namelessly) in an earlier post and after the situation was forgotten (at least by me) went on about my business. This afternoon I got a telephone call from that person concerned about what I had been feeling when I posted and wondering what had happened to upset me so much! The very fact that someone who really has nothing obvious to gain would take the time to respond personally to my comments impressed me tremendously. I forget sometimes that we are all human (including myself). We all have our good days and bad and sometimes two people who share similar views and have simultaneous bad days can react badly.
I know this is confusing but right now I am so pleased and impressed I am really finding it difficult to think. It is just good to know that there are people who still feel responsible for their action. In all fairness, taking responsibility for mine, I over reacted to a situation that was none of my business. But maybe some good came out of it in the end. I only hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings.
We may all forget that what we post on the Internet is in fact public domain. And I would be wise to think before I act.

Growing Away

This past weekend my husband and I spent a relaxing stay in a quiet cabin on the other side of the mountain. It was a place I had taken my children when they were small, before my husband was part of my life.
What a jolt it was to see those places and remember my five year old son and 12 year old daughter tubing down Deep Creek. The squeals of delight, the stark terror when he drifted by and my daughters hysterical screams, in all of three feet of water! The hiking trail by the waterall where my son, older now at 11, raced across an icy log bridge with his 7 year old nephew scooting behind, ignoring warning signs of slippery rocks. No one fell in thank heavens.

My daughter is now 24 and my son is 17, the oldest grandson grown from 7 to 12. Where did the time go?
I drive past churches and schools, and halls where my son performed in musicals. plays, contests. It brings a lump to my throat. My youngest is almost a man, in fact in many ways he is.
My oldest daughter is a mess, 3 sons and a bad relationship. When do we stop being "parents"? Never. Even when we stop making the rules, kissing the boo-boos, fixing the messes, we still feel the pain.

Here We Go Again

Another Wednesday. Another overview which is going to be creatively renamed A Welcoming Session. Both euphemisms for "We gotcha!" But do we really have them? Or do they have us? The multiple excuses for not doing what the rest of the world has to do in order to survive, support a family, grow ...The few who truly have goals, the many whose goal is to continue milking the system.
Welfare was originally designed so mothers could stay home with their children. Now it is designed (supposedly) to help families over the rough spots so they can return to work and dump their children in childcare facilities whose employees barely make enough to support their own families. What's wrong with this picture???